what harms your relationship A great destroyer is judgment. He's your enemy when it comes to forgiving your partner (or anyone around you). Get started today and free yourself from the burden of being critical of your partner.

1. Don't judge your partner for not being perfect (for you). Neither are you.

Lovers are only too good at this: ignoring each other's weaknesses... sometimes against all reason.
Relationship researcher John Gottman describes contempt as the absolute destroyer of love. When he observes contempt in a marriage, he doesn't give the relationship much hope.

If feelings of contempt were a plant, then condemnation or judging is its root. For most roots, cutting off the leaves is of little use. Then new ones grow. The root has to come out.

Judging is easy:
You see your partner's weaknesses and don't understand them.

"I just can't understand why you're like that. I wouldn't be as stupid as you if I were you. And you have no excuse for being like this.” That, I would say, is the essence of judging someone.

With understanding you would say: “That is a problem in you. But I love you anyway."

This is why judgment is so destructive: the more you criticize your partner without understanding, the more you will only see the bad and what he or she is doing wrong.

If you plan to destroy your marriage, do it with judgment! Judgment has a 100% success guarantee. Judgment kills any feeling of love you have for your partner; and in time his love for you will die too.

New thinking – a project for you (and your partner)

But change is possible. The solution, however, is not to simply stop saying anything critical. It's more about your thinking. Take some time today to think about what you criticize about your partner.

And this time, take a critical look at yourself! Are you perfect that you have the right to judge your partner? If your answer is "yes," then it's actually "no." Because a "perfect" person knows that they are not perfect and do not have the right to judge those around them. 😉

And then take your inner compass and turn from "I judge my partner" to "I don't want to judge my partner anymore". Change happens in small steps. Your inner attitude, what you believe to be true deep down in your heart, is the decisive factor.

Because with this new inner attitude, a whole new liberation and relaxation comes into your thinking. Your partner's mistakes are then no longer threatening. But to have that perspective I need God.

That's why it's so important for me to invite God into these deep thoughts, so that he causes in me what only he can do: that my heart changes. I can only change my alignment, but he frees my heart.

Start today, and then again tomorrow. Don't give up because with God by your side you will become free and over time it will rub off on your partner too.

Be the change you want to see!