Avoid These Horrible Parenting Tips When Your Kid Isn't Eating!

Do you have endless discussions at the dinner table and are you already dreading the next meal?!
Then please avoid these parenting tips, which are well-intentioned, but will only cause you more stress in the end!

Sorry. This video is atm just available in german.

Change your perspective on food and see how the 3 times a day, 7 days a week dinner table situations become opportunities for your child to grow in personality and for your family to become a place where you all feel a little more comfortable !

In a second video, I'll talk about the practical, concrete steps and methods you can use to lovingly teach your child to eat (almost 😉 ) anything without fuss.

Eating healthy for body and soul?! 6 reasons why you don't do it!

Gesunde Ernährung für Körper und Seele?! Der kurze Kick der zu langen Problemen führt.

We live in the 21st century and a lot is no longer a secret. We know a lot about diseases and some things about the causes. For example, it has long been known that unhealthy food is not good for us. But the fact that unhealthy food actually makes you ill is often doubted.

I recently had to make a major change in my diet in my life. My physical symptoms were

  • Joint pain, foot pain
  • muscle and tendon pain
  • exhaustion
  • persistent nausea and indigestion
  • drowsiness and dizziness
  • dry eyes and oral mucosa
  • stomach pain
  • cycle discomfort

This all started around 2011 and slowly increased, with more and more complaints in everyday life. In 2021 it got more extreme, so that physical work was more and more tedious and I felt reasonably good about 4 days out of 31 days a month.

I felt physically very old at the age of 40. Getting up from the sofa was exhausting. I couldn't even wear heels for an hour because my feet were so sore. Insoles and "grandma shoes" (that's what I call them now😂) were the suggested therapy. Dancing was difficult because my joints felt like they were about to break.

The bed seemed to me more and more to be the place of my destiny: “This is my calling! Lying in bed!”

Shopping, cooking, cleaning up... everything was exhausting and so I dragged myself through the days. How glad I am that Jesus is in my life! He gave me so much peace and joy even when I was physically unwell. Without him I don't even want to know what my heart would have looked like!

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Part 2

The big change that changed everything!

Unfortunately, the doctors were of no help to me in this situation, but simply made quick diagnoses: “You have 4 children? Ages 10-16? Oh, then it's clear: it's simply a depression of exhaustion. Antidepressants will also help with the pain.”

In February 2022, after an unsuccessful laparoscopy, I decided to radically avoid sugar, wheat, animal products and alcohol to find out if one or more of these foods were causing me the problems.

This is how I finally found out where most of my problems came from:

  • of gluten
  • dairy products
  • Sugar
  • too much animal products (egg and meat)

How to start feeding your body and soul healthy!

During this time I noticed endless parallels between our body and our inner life - the soul - which I find very helpful. So today I want to make a comparison between physical and spiritual unhealthy eating.

Because with healthy "food" for my soul I can make a huge difference for my feelings, thoughts and emotions.

I know so many others are probably diagnosed every day too: it's just depression. And of course it can often be the case that it is true.

But I am convinced that it is often simply the "wrong" food that causes problems for a person - be it the real food that we eat or the food that our soul needs to be or become healthy .

What are mental symptoms that you and I can suffer from?

SIN:

  • Unforgiveness, bearing guilt
  • Judged
  • envy and pride
  • obsession
  • hate
  • egoism
  • adultery
  • uncontrolled character
  • Fight
  • hostilities
  • Worship of possessions, power, status, sex
  • addictions
  • greed
  • sexual intemperance

CHARGES:

  • fears
  • Care for
  • drivenness
  • "Unredeemed Redeemed"
  • without joy and without love
  • sadness
  • sense of imprisonment
  • Despair
  • self-doubt
  • performance thinking
  • constantly having to justify yourself
  • feelings of confusion
  • self-accusation
  • controlling
  • Fury
  • fear of change

I think a lot of people, like me, suffer from inexplicable physical symptoms that can disappear or at least become weaker with a changed diet. That alone is a huge success.

But the focus today should be on what is happening in your soul and what you can learn from your body.

What can happen if you feed your body and soul healthy!

It has become a liberation for me to give up certain foods because I'm finally feeling better again. I've noticed a huge difference in my body after not knowing what's going on for a long time.

Just like food for the body, what I feed my inner being every day is gradually becoming noticeable.

It is often extremely time-delayed and without apparent connection. But since I recognized connections, it's easier for me to choose healthy food.

It has become a huge liberation for me to do without certain unhealthy spiritual “food”. Because even in mental events I know the confusing uncertainty of what is actually going on inside. And I also know the difference that God makes in my everyday life when I give Him really meet For a common image that Jesus uses of himself is to be like eating and drinking.

But in everyday life there are reasons that keep me from this spiritually healthy diet. And this also applies to physical nutrition.

I found 6 reasons:

1st reason: I don't want to restrict myself, because restriction is bad.

This might sound like a huge restriction: No flour foods, no dairy products, little meat/eggs and hardly any sugar! But the truth for me is very different:

If I renounce these things I have a big limitation, that's true. But a major restriction in my life has disappeared: I have strength again, no more unnatural exhaustion, nausea and pain. I can do physical work and sport without joint pain and excessive muscle soreness, which then lasts for 2-3 days.

So sometimes the question is not:

Do I want restrictions?
Rather: Which restriction do I want?

So it helps to ask: What am I losing by continuing to eat unhealthily? What am I risking in 10 years?

Mentally, this truth is much more underestimated than physically.

Am I aware that
what I feed my soul with today
make me a different person tomorrow?

Do I feed myself with gossip and gossip? This will be the person I am tomorrow. Are fears and bad news on my menu? In a year, fear will have much more space than it already has today. Am I unfaithful and nurturing fantasies? Guess what I can slip into over the next few months.

Do I like to lie and a lot? In a few years my whole inner being will be a tangle of lies - the worst of it will be that everyone else will notice, just I not.

Can't I just sit for 15 minutes? Tomorrow I might not even manage 5 minutes. And at some point I can no longer find inner peace without medication. 

You are what you eat.

So I have to decide, what limitation do I want to live with? Be my own king and live by my will? Or accept Jesus as king? Jesus says about this:

For what good would it do a man to gain all that this world has to offer but lose or harm himself in the process? Luke 9:25

2nd reason: I don't get enough of it if I eat healthily

At first glance, this could make a mental and physical impression. That's why I think we humans often wait for the point where the level of suffering is high enough.

I've known for a long time that eating healthy is important. But I only changed it radically when I could no longer live like this. Because of course I don't want to abstain for nothing.

From a spiritual point of view, this is often a reason why people limit their time with God, prayer, church services, etc. so little. It doesn't seem to do them much good.

The list of so-called diseases of affluence is long. And gets longer. But mental unhealth is also increasing enormously.  

But who expects after one A good meal to see the pounds drop or symptoms go away would be a fool. What we eat - mentally and physically - changes us very slowly. A decision to try life with God does not bring fruit in life, only when I live a relationship with Him daily.

You don't need a moment of faith, but a mindset (basic attitude) of faith!

But I can invest before it's too late and the damage can only be limited. But even that is better than doing nothing when the damage is already great.

And maybe it's not even about my own damage, but about the people around me. I shape my fellow human beings extremely. Good or bad.

When people have ditched their parents' beliefs but still firmly hold on to the values, the children will probably take the next step and ditch some of the more uncomfortable values. We see that very clearly in our society. YOU make a huge difference! Both positive and negative!

Jesus, your food?!

John 6, 51-56: 51 I myself am the living bread which comes down from the heavenly world. If anyone eats this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give him is my own flesh. This is the food from which the whole world draws its life.” 52 When Jesus said this, the Jews quarreled among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” 53 Jesus answered them : »I say to you with all emphasis: If you do not accept the flesh of the eternal Son of man as your food and do not drink his blood, then you do not carry the true life within you! 54 But whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has in him eternal, indestructible life, and I will raise him to life at the end of time. 55 For my flesh - myself - is the real food, and my blood is the real drink.

With this comparison, Jesus deliberately chose to eat and drink without which we cannot live. And man, did he irritate the people of his time with this comparison/image! "WHAT? We are supposed to eat his flesh?!” Jesus just loves to use provocative images…

Feeding the soul with fast food?

But mentally, just like when eating, it's easier to satisfy my inner self with fast food for a short time. Just like with food, it seems unnecessary to invite God into my everyday life today, to attend a church service or read the Bible daily. "It doesn't make much of a difference," you might think too often.

Jesus answers: 63 It is the Spirit of God that gives true life. Humans cannot do this by their own human effort. My words are just that: Spirit of God and true life. 64 But here are some of you who have no real faith." "The book"

Because that is the unbelief on this point: God's contribution makes no difference here anyway. But the truth is this: God wants to make my inner being strong and crisis-proof through his presence.

So I make room in my life for the source of His power. Our body will definitely run out in one day. There is no way around it. But God is preparing something much greater in you and me. This is the real jackpot.

Helpful questions for you:

  • Am I waiting too long to change something?
  • How can I make room for God in my everyday life so that my soul finally has enough?

3rd reason: If I eat healthy, I can still get sick.

Even with good nutrition you get sick. That's correct. One of our daughters gets neurodermatitis from sugar consumption. But she doesn't always respond. However, when she's struggling with an illness and her immune system is down, the problem becomes much more pronounced. It is even more important to relieve your body through good nutrition. 

Even with good spiritual nourishment I experience crises. But the way my soul deals with life's onslaught is like day and night.

When these fruits that Jesus gives me are alive in me, instead of fear, despair, worry, hate, stress or irritation, I will experience His hope, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. This is who he is and what he wants to give me.

I really want to go through my crises like this. And again and again I have to practice that I invite Jesus in the middle of the storm to be my bread and my water.

Helpful questions for you:

  • How is my mental immune system doing?
  • Where do I have to start to protect my soul and thoughts?
  • How do I train to believe God's truths more?

4th reason: A bit of poison never hurt anyone

I think we humans have a longing to be part of something special. In this contrast, everyday life seems downright banal and meaningless. A bit of fast food. A bit of pork knuckle.

But in a movie it looks very different because we have a bird's eye view. We see James Bond drinking the poisoned martini and we think: Man, why is he drinking that and not paying attention anymore!?! We watch these crucial moments and know: It's all or nothing. But in everyday life?

What if you and I took a bird's eye view and looked at our lives from afar: How would I feel about the choices I'm making 10 years from now?

Thinking from the end

Another great exercise is to think from the end: What will I say about myself when I die? What will others say? What does my life look like from the perspective of eternity?

Why should you eat healthy? Because you love your body - because you love your soul.

If I simply eat unhealthily all the time, it shows a relatively indifferent distance to my body. As if he and I weren't necessarily dependent on each other to our last breath. Or I underestimate the negative impact of unhealthy foods.

It's the same with my insides. Am I underestimating the impact negative spiritual nourishment has on me?

The underestimated influence of bad, mental food!

dr Jack Haskins, a professor at the University of Tennessee, spent 12 years researching the effects of media and how people think. One of his studies attempted to determine the effects of a five-minute radio show filled with negative news:

“17 children blown up on bus”, “earthquake kills thousands”, “riots in city streets” and so on . One group listened to negative shows like this daily, while a control group listened to more positive and uplifting messages.

After evaluating listeners who were exposed to five minutes of bad news a day, Haskins found four discernible effects on them:

  • They were more depressed than before;
  • They believed the world was a negative place;
  • They were less likely to help others; and
  • They began to believe that what they had heard would soon happen to them too.

Simply by receiving and reflecting on the information from the radio program, their perception of the world and their outlook on life was affected. What they believed to be true changed with the spiritual nourishment they ingested.

What is unhealthy spiritual food?

Negative food looks very different. A bit of envy, or worries and fears. It's true that the dose makes the poison. I don't have to walk around as an ascetic. But becoming an ascetic of that which destroys myself and others, I can become calm. And that includes sin and worry.

My mental immune system is not the same strength at all times. When I felt physically very bad, I often felt that the news, which in terms of its structure is actually only focused on evil, robbed me of even more strength. Then it is all the more important to reduce this influence and look more to God. This is what saved me through crises and still saves me.

Your soul, a helpless child in your duty of care

So I want to treat my soul and body well. How I would take care of a helpless child. Because that's exactly what both are: completely helpless at my mercy like a child and dependent on my love.

And not emotional, felt love, but love that gets up, tackles and protects the weak, that stands in the kitchen and prepares a good meal.

Or the self-love that withdraws into a quiet room and offers my soul to God, or in the screams of the children (or grandchildren, if you have any) turning on music that invites me into a conversation with God and pulls me away from my fears. Or going to God after a fight and honestly asking for his opinion.

I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty again. John 6:35

Helpful questions for you:

  • Am I underestimating the impact negative spiritual nourishment has on me?
  • How can I make room for God in my everyday life so that my soul finally has enough?
  • Which of my thoughts should I urgently renew with God? Romans 12:2
  • How would I feel about the decisions I am making 10 years from now?
  • What will I and others say about me when I die?
  • What does my life look like from the perspective of eternity?

5th reason: I don't have the strength to eat healthily! Life is stressful enough as it is

I know how exhausting it is to change your diet. It really takes a lot of time and attention. And not just in one day, but every day. 

But if I ask the question: "Do I have the strength to eat healthy?", and my answer is no, I have to ask the second question here too: "Do I have the strength to eat unhealthy?"

Because the strength that I need for healthy eating is out of proportion to the strength that I would need if I were to continue to eat harmful to me. So against the needs of my body.

"Do I have strength to live without God?"

Spiritually the question is the same: “Do I have power to focus on Jesus? No, my life is so exhausting.” Then ask the second question: “Do I have the strength to renounce Jesus?!” The main reason why life is so exhausting is when I don't focus on Jesus.

So the first step is to recognize: I need strength for both, only one brings good fruit. The other stress.

The second step is to come to God's table and ask him, “Be the strength within me, I can't do it alone. Give me self-control to feed myself mentally healthier..."

For he is the source of strength: self-control is a fruit of his spirit within us. Some have more self-control than others. But in the end I have to admit that the self-control I have has come from God. If I haven't learned how to say thank you to him by then, things are looking bleak...

Helpful questions for you:

  • Do I have the strength to go on living like this? Where do I want to consciously use my energy to get relief for my soul or my body?
  • Am I aware that God himself wants to help me to change something? How can I remember?

Reason 6: I don't have time for healthy eating. It's a luxury I can't afford

It really takes time to eat healthy. But I save a lot of the time I lose by having fewer doctors and crisis talks later. Physically, I personally struggle with infections for much less time. The strength that is missing in everyday life also takes up a lot of time, or in my case led to the fact that I could only move through the fast everyday life in slow motion. That was really annoying.

That's why I really often have to ask myself in my everyday life: what is it time for now? I've noticed that if I don't organize my family's and my nutrition first, the whole day is kind of chaotic.

Are you also responsible for the family food? Other people can't even imagine how much work it means when you can just sit down at the laid table!

That's why I have to take the time for our diet. And then everyday life can come, but the basis is there.

Relationships cannot be “quickly done”!

Cultivating my relationship with God also requires space and time. Just like every other relationship I have. Relationships are extremely time consuming. Here are some questions I can ask myself:

  • What do I need to have time for right now?
  • What are my priorities?
    • I only have 24 hours a day. Organizing better so that I can get everything done is not the solution in the 21st century! What has to go?
  • How do I learn to say no?
    • Who am I asking today to ask me weekly if I've gotten 1 % better at saying no?

In fact, food has the ability to bind toxins and toxins and help the body get rid of them. And instead of the pollutants, good food provides healing and building substances.

Interestingly, that's pretty much what God wants of you and me as human beings. He wants to come into your life, to fill your whole body and mind (who you are). Then he wants to free you from your guilt and your injuries and heal them, since they poison you. So you give him your guilt and shame, in return he gives you his forgiveness, peace, glory and the fruits that describe his holy spirit.

His act of liberation for YOU on the cross

About 700 years before Jesus died in about AD 30. dies on the cross, the prophet Isaiah wrote down the following words:

He was despised and rejected by men - a man of pain, familiar with sickness, someone to hide one's face from. He was despised and meant nothing to us.
Still, He took our sicknesses and bore our pains. And we thought he was outlawed, beaten and humiliated by God!
But because of our transgressions he was pierced, crushed because of our transgressions. He was punished so that we may have peace. By his wounds we were healed!
We all went astray like sheep. Everyone went their own way. But the LORD made him guilty of all of us.
Isaiah 53:3-6

Today is your day!

You can pray and invite Jesus the Healer to do what He has prepared. That's such an important realization for me: I'll never have control over what he does, only the possibility to invite him.

What will happen if you do this? No idea! But like changing your diet, it's worth inviting. Even if everything is not healed or is immediately well again. At worst, he just comes with his peace, his joy, his power and changes your inner state and shows you the hope that is waiting for you.

I also pray for you that you experience all this as reality and not just theory!

Anita

Psalm 22 and Jesus' last words

Compare these Scriptures where Jesus' last words were written on the cross: Mt 27:46 - Mk 15:34 - John 19:30

You can also read the various accounts of Jesus' crucifixion in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Do you find the parallels to what David wrote here hundreds of years before Jesus' death and what actually happened to Jesus?

A Psalm of David.

2 My God, my God, why did you leave me? I scream, but no rescue is in sight, I call, but any help is far away! 3 My God! I call during the day, but you don't answer, I call at night and don't get any rest. 4 You are holy, you dwell where your people Israel sing praises to you. 5 Our fathers put their trust in you. They trusted you and you saved them. 6 They cried out to you for help and were delivered; they trusted in you and were not disappointed.

7 But I am no longer a man, only a worm, I have become a mockery of the people, all the people despise me. 8 Everyone who sees me mocks me, twisting their lips and shaking their heads. 9 "Give your case to the LORD," they say. 'Yes, may God save him! Let him help him - apparently he takes a liking to him!'

Jesus stirbt am Kreuz Psalm 22

10 But you, Lord, drew me out of my mother's womb. You made me trust her breast 11 From the beginning of my life I have depended entirely on you, from the womb you are already my God. 12 Don't stay away from me now! The need is so threateningly close and there is nobody to help me!

13 thieves have surrounded me like a herd of bulls; they have surrounded me like mighty buffaloes from Bashan. 14 They open their mouths against me like hungry and roaring lions. 15 I feel like I've been poured out like water all my limbs are dislocated. My heart is like liquid wax that melts deep inside me.

16 I am without strength, dried up like a piece of pottery. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. You laid me in the dust where the dead lie. 17 For men have surrounded me like dogs; a horde of violent criminals surround me. As a lion bites his prey, so they hold me tight and won't let go of my hands and feet. (or: pierced my hands and feet). 18 I could count my bones one by one; my enemies just stare at me mercilessly. 19 They divide my clothes among themselves and cast lots to see who shall have my outer garment.

20 But you, O LORD, do not stay far from me! You are my strength, quickly, come to my aid! 21 Snatch my soul from the deadly sword, save my life from the claws of these dogs! 22 Deliver me from the lion's mouth, save me from the horns of the buffalo! Yes, you heard me! 23 I will proclaim to my brothers how great you are; I will sing your praises in the midst of the congregation. 24 All ye that fear the LORD, praise him. All you descendants of Jacob, give him glory! Treat him with humility and reverence, all you descendants of Israel!

25 For the LORD has not turned away from the need of the helpless, nor has he despised his sufferings. Yea, the LORD hath not hid his face from him, but listened to him when he called for help. 26 You, Lord, give me reason to praise you in the midst of the great congregation. I will fulfill my vow in the sight of those who serve the Lord with reverence. 27 The poor shall eat again and be filled. Those who seek the Lord should praise him. Live up your heart, live forever!

28 There will be understanding in every corner of the earth, and people will turn to the LORD. All nations will bow down to you, O LORD, and worship you. 29 For the kingdom belongs to the LORD; he rules over all nations. 30 The great of the earth will feast and worship the LORD. Also all who sink into the dust of death will fall down before him, all who have no more strength to live. 31 Generations to come will serve him. Those who are yet to be born will be told about the Lord. 32 One will proclaim future peoples his deeds of salvation.

Back to the course, where you can learn how to actually believe in God in a very practical way

Wie glaube ich an Gott?

They will say, 'The LORD has accomplished everything!«
New Geneva translation

Do you trust God... in theory?

Trusting God - how does that work? And why is it so important to trust not only theoretically but also practically?

Many people say they believe in or trust God, but in everyday life they have trouble seeing that trust as a reality.

If doubt and fear affect you more than inner peace because you trust God this video is for you! Because theoretical trust is just as ineffective as theoretical relaxation.

Living with God is not about taking matters into your own hands or believing that God will protect you from every difficulty. Rather, it is about trusting him in all situations and allowing him to guide you through difficult times.

This course is for you if you want to grow in trusting God more practically.

I would recommend that you take your time over the next 3 weeks and, after each video, write down one or two points that appealed to you and formulate a goal for you: e.g. “If the fear comes back, I will talk to God and one sit down cup of tea and end my trust in fear. Instead, I ask God to work the miracle of trust in me. He will do it.”

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Part 2
part 3

Fight relaxed for your family: Invite God!

One of the greatest positive influences you can have on your family, children, partner or friends is making space for God in your relationships and family.

Because it's just like that: you often can't control what's happening around you. But you have an influence on what happens inside you and how you and you as a family deal with it.

And here is the first and most important step: Control over the uncontrollable to God hand over. How can you imagine that practically? This is not about a meditative approach: as if everything is unimportant or the goal is detachment from all goals and human difficulties. On the contrary.

Your passionate God by your side!

It's about discovering that in God you have a wonderful counterpart who fights for you, witnesses your pain and stands by your side. He loves you passionately and is strong enough to help you.

But only if you actively give him your burden can you be relieved of your burden. This is often necessary on a daily basis, as something always accumulates or comes up again. If you try it without him, you either keep the burden with you or run the risk of becoming indifferent to life ("it doesn't matter").

You as a human being were created to master difficult situations - at the hand of your God who fights for you. The same goes for the people you care about.

Trust him: he fights and wins for you. That's why you don't have to be afraid of difficult situations.

Therefore:

  • Never make problem-free your greatest goal in life. That only brings stress.
  • Also, don't fill your breaks (just) with media, news, and depressing music.
    You're not letting the world around you dump their garbage in your yard! The same must be true for your heart and mind!

Make room for Jesus instead, who is a super captain who will even help you get the water out of the ship!

trust god? Why theoretical trust is pointless- 2

Part 2

Gott vertrauen
By ljcor from Pixabay

trust god? My last blog was about the question of whether God deserves your trust at all: How does he want to work in your life? Is God Really Good? This blog is about: How do you deal with negative thoughts? What can you change in your thinking to become free? And how do you learn to relax with God so that you really feel what you believe: that God's love drives away the panic, fear and heaviness in you.

expose lying thoughts

Have you discovered lies that keep you from trusting God? Remember, there are reasons to be suspicious. God is not disappointed that you do not trust him. He never had the wrong idea of who you are and what you think.

But he absolutely wants to rid you of the lying thoughts that keep you from trusting. With Adam and Eve the lie was: “God is greedy and greedy for power. Therefore he forbids us the fruits that bring knowledge.” They believed the lie, and that lie caused suspicion in their hearts. Distrust was just like the pus from a wound, the lie was the splinter.

Getting rid of pus and leaving the sprout in has never been a good idea. Wondering about the pus is stupid. Bitching about someone's pus is even more stupid.

The splinter has to come out, then the wound will heal.

The lie has to come out, then your heart can finally trust God more and more

Find these lies with God's help and make a trade with him.

3 C's: catch, cancel, change

The other day I was listening to a podcast by Holly Bray where she talked about the 3 C's. It was about dealing with negative thoughts. In English, these stood for Catch - Cancel - Change (catch - cancel - change).

That reminded me a lot of 2 Cor 10:3-5. At this point, Paul is dealing with people who have spread lies among Christians about him and their faith in Jesus. In his argument he writes about how he fights against the spread of these lies by the people:

“We may live in this world, but that doesn't mean that we fight as the world fights. 4 The weapons with which we fight our battle are not the weapons of this world. They are weapons from resounding powerwho serve, in service for God hostile forts to destroy. Bring with these weapons we arbitrary thought building to collapse 5 and (we) tear every obstacle, no matter how high, that stands in the way of true knowledge of God. All that selfish thinking we capture, that it may become obedient to Christ.”

His argument at this point was probably with other people. But I notice that this struggle, as he describes it, also takes place in my thinking almost daily:

In my head, too, little men sometimes run around and spread their thoughts about God and the world, about me and my mistakes, etc. Thoughts just come like that. And after the thought has been there for a while, it causes the corresponding feelings as well.

This can make everyday life very tiring. Because negative thoughts create negative feelings. But there are really helpful truths that can help you manage your thoughts and feelings better.

destructive lies = fear and despair vs.
God's thoughts = peace and hope

The ideas can be divided into two groups:

There are thoughts that come from God's heart and correspond to his nature. We humans generally refer to these thoughts as positive thoughts.

This is how Christians and non-Christians perceive it: “You are loved and valuable, nice that you exist, don’t give up, you are great, I have forgiven you, a new beginning is possible today, look around: you see, how beautiful the world is?..."

And then there are thoughts that already feel like darkness and confusion: "What are you even on this earth for? Who's gonna miss you? You are an ugly person. you'll never make it Why keep fighting? That's no use anyway. Nothing will ever change – except for the worse.” These thoughts are squarely opposed to God's mind and heart, and are actively fighting the faith in your heart.

Trust God: He addresses difficult issues with love

Is there nothing then that God will ever criticize about you? Yes, it is really important that God corrects you and me and that I am also open to correction. Otherwise it's doom for you and me.

But when the Holy Spirit works change in you, He does it with His Peace and His Love working together. But first you have to believe that it's okay if you make mistakes.

Do you believe deep in your heart that it's terrible when you make a mistake? Then it also feels terrible to admit your mistakes in front of you, God and other people.

The first step to freedom is this: identify the bad thought in your heart.

Gott vertrauen: du darfst Fehlerhaft sein

As I said, you will not find bad fruit on a good tree and nothing good will grow on a bad tree.

God's power is at work in you and wants to help you to break through destructive thought fortresses, buildings and obstacles, to bring them down and tear them down.

Are you struggling with smug ("I'm so great!") or self-defeating ("Why am I not so great?!") thoughts? You can "catch" them through Jesus and subordinate them to Jesus: He is the highest and most worthy person - and still your servant. There's not much room for pride.

HOW TO TRUST AND HOW NOT TO

So now you've discovered thoughts that keep you from trusting. What can you do?

If you have found sentences in yourself that make trust difficult, you have found in these sentences at the same time what you believe. Because the thought in you that God z. B. asking you to be perfect is your true belief.

Your deepest thoughts are your true beliefs. If someone asks you what you believe in, share your deepest thoughts with them.

If you were extremely uncomfortable because they didn't agree at all with what your beliefs actually are, you can be happy: you've finally found the splinter!

Fake relax

Imagine sitting in a chair and saying, "This chair is amazing! There is no one better or more stable.” But in reality you think this chair is too rickety to support your weight for more than two minutes.

Gott vertrauen: er trägt dich
by Mike Bird from Pexels

Therefore, you will not put your weight on the chair, you will just pretend to be sitting. How cozy would that be? You can proclaim with faith all you want, “I'm so glad to have this chair in my life. Life would be so exhausting without this chair. I could never really rest.”

After two minutes at the most, people around you would probably notice your muscles starting to tremble. And after five minutes, even the last person would have noticed that you don't look relaxed at all and this chair of yours doesn't even remotely live up to its promises.

God wants to be your favorite chair

God is like this chair. And he really doesn't enjoy it if you are living a life where you just pretend to be leaning on him. He wants to carry you with all your burdens.

Do you know this verse: "Without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6). Why is it that without faith you cannot please God? Precisely because God wants to be your chair on which you can throw your whole life weight.

If a chair had thoughts, it might not like it at all if a person never really sat down, but rather half-standing. That also looks silly. A chair is designed to carry you.

God has a purpose for you too themselves determined who he wants to be for you. He wants to be your shepherd, your water, your food, your strength, your father, your lover, your provider, your king, your boss, your prince of peace, your hope and your source of life.

What is left for you to do? Lean on him with all your life, burdens, failures and sin and accept who he is.

Trust in theory

You alone decide whether you trust theoretically or practically. You can trust God all your life like a person who never really sits down in the chair.

Let me tell you: this is going to be a terribly exhausting life. Maybe your faith is just as exhausting? Then have the courage: sit down, get to know God better. God invites you to trust because he will really carry you and is actually good.

By Allec Gomes from Pexels

Every thought that comes to your mind that suggests you don't trust is answered by you every time, very often with a "Yes, that's right". Your thoughts only change when you give these thoughts a different answer inwardly:

"I made a mistake! But I have to do everything right!” – “No, I live by his grace. He is so faithful and has forgiven my debt. He makes me new!”

“Even God can no longer change anything. It is too late.” – “No, what is impossible with man is possible with God.”

"My heart just cannot believe." - No, for no word that comes from God will be of no power" (Luke 1:37).

trust god

Where do you trust God only theoretically? Did you become aware of new things? Write things down and bring them to God. Ask him to help you and see the truth. He helps!

What are your inner sentences like? Continue your list and find the answer to your doubts in the Bible. And then decide to accept what God says as truth.

In the end it remains that: your decision. He gave you strength and his truth. Do you trust in its power and truth? Then pretend today that you believe it.

Nothing is more worthwhile than saying goodbye to a life in which you theoretically trust God - and finding your way to a life in which you can let your whole weight fall on God because you know for sure: He takes care of you ! (1 Peter 5:7).

Question to God: Show me where I only trust you theoretically... what have you become aware of?

Feeling depressed? These 6 lifestyle habits won't help

Feeling depressed in '22? What can you do until the therapist has time? Find out which 6 lifestyle habits won't help and what you can do instead!

What can YOU do?

2022 seems like a bad year to deal with depressed feelings. The waiting lists are so long that even the news reports about it. What should you do while you are stuck in this desperate situation and need help, but you're not getting it (yet)? The good news is: you don't just have to sit there waiting. There are things you can do. And things you can stop doing. I would like to show you 6 life habits that do not help with feelings of depression.

If you manage to get rid of just one of these 6 habits this month, that would be a first step in bringing relief to your heart. Because that's what your heart desperately longs for: relief.

God your therapist?

Don't be surprised, however, if God somehow appears in almost every point. He created your heart and therefore he knows best what makes you sick. So you could call him the best of all therapists.

Not only did he make you, he also loves you extremely and wants to have a relationship with you. While you might feel like a dried up garden, he desires to fill your heart with life and new growth.

Depressive Gefühle? Sie belasten das Herz unglaublich. Finde durch 6 neue Lebensgewohnheiten Entlastung für dein Herz.
By Pexels–2286921 from Pixabay

Is the topic affecting you right now and are you suffering from depressive feelings, but haven't gotten any help yet? Or are you just looking for answers by yourself?

Then join me to think about which 6 life habits make you actually worse and which opposite habits on the other hand will bring you relief.

Finding hope

I'm not a psychologist and I certainly don't want to pretend that I know exactly why you're suffering on the inside. Also, I don't want to tell you that you simply have to avoid these lifestyle habits to get healed from depression.

But I am convinced that it makes sense, especially in desperate situations, to think about God's thoughts on us humans. He has personally given me such good advice on so many occasions that carried me through good times and bad.

Maybe this can be more like a conversation between friends or siblings. I would so love for you to get better. So, make yourself a nice cup of tea and sit down with me to think about how your heart can be relieved even just a little.

Because every small positive change is better than no Change at all!

Detox your heart!

I recently read a book about how to detoxify your liver. Because some physical complaints can be improved in this way. The liver is the body's main detoxification organ. It has an important job, but we pay very little attention to it these days.

Another organ that isn't quite organic is your "heart." So not your heart organ with all the blood in it, but your heart, which is also called soul or spirit.

I don't know how you grew up and how much attention your heart got or gets. But just like the liver, your heart is the "organ" responsible for detoxification. Your heart absorbs all the stimuli of your inner and outer world and tries to process them.

When the liver is overloaded with poison, the liver fails and the human becomes incredibly ill. What happens to your heart when it is overloaded with poison?

Deine Leber und dein Herz haben eine Gemeinsamkeit: sie entgiften so viel sie können - die Leber aus deinem Körper, dein Herz aus deinem emotionalen Umfeld

What poisons your heart?

Unfortunately, there is no blood test that can determine what exactly is poisoning your or my heart. But there is wisdom for that. This is what psychology itself is based on: recognizing through observation and wise conclusions what is making the human psyche ill.

Wisdom is also a big theme in the Bible. God, as he introduces himself through the Bible, has many suggestions on how you can live your life wisely and well. And if you live your life according to his values of love and honor it often lead to a (sometimes slow) improvement of the situation. And if not the situation, then at least your heart.

So question these points and think about what makes sense in your case. It's not a "do this and I guarantee" kind of thing. But it's an invitation to take baby steps out of the fog.

Where does your poison come from?

When I have a physical problem, it obviously helps to understand where the pain is coming from. Then I can better assess the problem and consider how to react.

The same is true with the heart: It helps to recognize what could be responsible for the poisoning. For example, the cause may be how others treat you; or an overwhelming everyday life. Maybe you find yourself in a stressful extreme situation.

But whether your heart copes well or poorly with these challenges has a lot to do with how you dealwith the poison. How do you, when others treat you badly or problems come your way?

How do you feel about yourself when you fail and don't live up to your expectations? Can you enjoy your reflection in the mirror or can't you even bear it? Extreme burdens can come into your life from not admiting guilt or a refusal to forgive.

It is very important how your heart deals with the influences of your environment. Take a minute to think if you know immediately from which area your stress is coming from. You can also check several boxes.

Depressed feelings? So here are the 6 lifestyle habits that don’t help:

But now to the question: what really does not help when your heart suffers from poisoning and you are struggling with depressive feelings?

1 - don't spend time with your designer!

That just has to be the first point. Because it has the biggest influence, although it might seem so irrelevant. Maybe you're not "believing" in God at all? I'm convinced you definitely believe in something. At least you are believing that there is no God. Whether you believe in him or not yet. It's definitely a big mistake not to spend time with him. ;-) Nobody knows you better than him.

He has been looking for you for a long time and is waiting for moments of your attention. Not because he's so lonely and poor, but because he's so strong and passionate.

I don't know anyone who encourages me like he does. Granted, he's often a silent friend, but what a friend he is!

Sit down with him once or twice a day for a cup of tea instead of going through everyday life without him.

Imagine his friendship through pictures: He is like a river that flows around you with peace. When you're in the flow of his love you can't help but get wet.

He is like a tree, you are like the fruit. Connect with the tree and its life force will flow into you.

It's like the water you drink. Without water, you'll get headaches and then worse. Without God your soul dries up. You often just don't realize that you miss him. He wants to fill you with his life and power. You just have to open up to him and be patient.

But if you really don't want him in your life, that path remains closed.

depressive Gefühle? Lebensgewohnheiten entdecken: Gott will wie erfrischendes Wasser für dich sein.
Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels

2 - wait until the next vacation to recharge!

It's a mistake to think that you can once a year catch up on the peace and recharging that you've missed out on every day! Every day is incredibly important to keeping your heart healthy or experiencing improvement.

So don't wait until the weekend or your next vacation. Structure your day with breaks. Maybe an emotionally fit person needs fewer breaks than you do now. But if you're not feeling well, it's not only okay, it's absolutely essential that you treat yourself kindly and compassionately.

Do you secretly wish that someone would come up to you and say, "Sit down, take a break and I'll do this for you," but that person never comes? Then you be this person for yourself!

fail to plan - plan to fail

Start today to slowly rid yourself off excessive performance demands. Do you think it is impossibleto schedule a break in your everyday life? Then change something in your daily routine. You can certainly not determine everything in your everyday life, but your 24 hours of life today are still yours. Yes, there are elements that can't be removed, but there are definitely also flexible ones. Start planning your days consciously. If you don't plan, your time will be planned for you. If you can't do this on your own, ask someone for help. It's so worth it.

3 - fill your breaks with garbage like scrolling on Facebook, Instagram, news, messages and Co.!

If you take breaks, maybe even long ones, it's a very bad idea to fill them completely with garbage. Music with bad or meaningless lyrics can be nice. But it can also drag you down or at least not lift you up.

what is stopping you from drinking a cup of tea with God today and experiencing his love?

Find music that encourages you. My first tip would be music from prayer houses, e.g. ihop, maveric city music, prayer house augsburg,...

my playlist for my time with God

If your heart feels healthy, chances are you'll just listen to the music you like. But if your heart is burdened, treat yourself to lyrics that will lift you up. God gives us so much encouragement, and it is precisely this encouragement that is expressed in songs that people write with and for God.

News can be like an infusion of poison. Reduce this input radically . Watching the news once a week is more than enough. You cannot save the world by knowing about all the problems. But you can save your world if you don't suck up the world's troubles.

Is your life the worlds dumpsite?

You're not letting everyone deliver their garbage to your property! The same must be true of your heart and mind! The burden of the world is far too much for your heart which is your internal property.

Therefore, fill your free time with good things that calm your heart - for example with nature, plants, sports, friends, but that can also mean watching a film together or alone. At a time when I was very exhausted and just surviving the day, watching an episode or two with my husband in the evening was just what I needed. I just had no energy for conversation or activities. ... what is good for you and what is not? Listen to your heart.

4 - don't accept your human limitations!

When I mix concrete with my hand mixer, I don't have to wait long for it to break. But you as a person and you specifically, with your name and your story, have your limitations and can't do everything.

Do you love yourself even though you have these limitations? God loves you with your limitations. Live within your boundaries. You are wonderfully made and must not only grudgingly accept your limitations but celebrate them. You are well made even if you are weaker than others.

It also helps your stress level to accept the limits of your fellow human beings. It's ok if your husband doesn't do everything perfectly. He's also only human and different from you. I have to learn this again and again: my husband is just often tired. When the kids were younger, it was harder for him to get his sleep. But even now I have to make a conscious decision: I want to give him the rest he needs. Getting angry about it brings stress – not only to him but to me as well. You can ask him how well I can do it... Well, we are all in a process 🙂 In order for it to work better, of course I also have to give myself the rest I need.

5 - see everything and everyone critically. Forgive yourself and others no mistakes!

If you want to build yourself a prison, then see everything critically and do not forgive others. Only you can release yourself from this prison. God encourages you very seriously:

"Don't stay in this prison! Change how you think. Otherwise it won't end well." Today can be the day you slowly change your thinking.

If you would start walking bent down all the time, your flexor muscles would start to shorten; your extensors, which bring the body into the upright position, would start to weaken (to put it simply). It takes a lot of practice and training to bring you back to the upright position. And the more time you let pass, the harder it gets.

Apply the picture to critical thinking and the refusal to forgive: This attitude to life means that you only go through life bent over and can no longer live upright.

Vergeben: Lebensgewohnheiten gegen depressive Gefühle
By fauxels

It takes practice to get out of this position. At first it might hurt and be very tiring. But it's not impossible. However, the longer you stay in this position, the more difficult it becomes.

Therefore, avoid talking bad or critical about yourself, others or situations as much as you can. Be kind to yourself and others. Ask God for help. He can and wants to!

6 – be ungrateful!

Maybe there isn't much reason to be thankful in your life. Then I'm very sorry. It's not nice when your life is filled with a lot of suffering and sad experiences.

But look at gratitude as something that makes beautiful things become visible again. Bad experiences cause the things that are still good in life to disappear from your vision. This is how darkness wins: first bad things come in your life and then the good thiings disappear from your sight.

Look around you today and try to thank God again and again for something you take for granted. The fresh morning air, the sunset, a baby... I think it's important to say thank you to God. After all, that's where the joy comes from.

Dankbarkeit -Lebensgewohnheiten gegen depressive Gefühle

If my children say thank you for something I have done or given them, adressing the atmosphere instead of me, what is the value of this thank you? Do I rejoice in their joy? Do my children enjoy my happiness?

Thanking has a lot to do with relationship with your God. And joy comes from the relationship, not from just thanking. Because if you start thanking him, God will start being able to show you more and more beautiful things that he has prepared for you, even though your life is difficult right now. He's just waiting.

Depressed feelings? These 6 lifestyle habits will help!

These were the 6 habits that definitely make your life harder and don't help with feelings of depression. To put it all positively, here it is again vice versa. These 6 lifestyle habits maybe won't cure you, but they can hopefully help you feeling less depressed:

  1. Spend time with God every day.
    It is as important for your heart to be with him, as it is for your body that you drink and eat.
  2. Set up times of recovery and peace in your everyday life.
    Start today. If that does not work, change something! Don't make excuses that you can't change anything.
  3. Fill your breaks with meaningfull and hopefilled music, less social media, news and meaningless rubbish.
    You're not letting the world around you dump their garbage in your yard! The same must be true for your heart and mind!
  4. Accept your limitations as a human - God created you really good - but limited.
    You don't have to be able to do everything and you don't have to be perfect. And you don't have as good, strong or amazing as ... (enter a name that pops in your head;-) )
  5. Forgive yourself and others.
    Instead of thinking critically, practice having kind thoughts about yourself and others.
  6. Be thankful to God.
    If you start doing that, God can show you more and more beautiful things that you couldn't see anymore. He's really good at it.
dein Herz ist es Gott wert, dass du vergibst
by towfiqu barbhuiya

Which of these 6 habits do you think you should start working on? Is there one habit that you would like to hear more about? Just dm me on Instagram or write me an email!

Anita

Stress in parenting and marriage? Let go of control!

Do you have a lot of stress in your marriage/relationship and raising your kids? Do you often get into loud arguments at home? Do mistakes from people and situations that went wrong bother you for a very long time? Do you often try to prevent all problems and difficulties, and panic when something doesn't go really well?

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Versuch nicht den Sturm zu kontrollieren sondern dich selbst
By Lena Khrupina from Pexels

I want to encourage you not to accept that. Because there is a better way to live.

letting go of the need to control others

When people fail or things go wrong, you always have a choice in how you deal with it. That's far more important than what's going wrong right now. If life has one thing in store for you, it's this: storms.

So don't waste your energy wishing for a life of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, but do the only thing that makes sense: become internally "stormproof". The first step to do this is to let go of the need to control others.

Only control what can be controlled!

So many situations in life bring stress. I don't know what your life is like right now: What went terribly wrong? What are the situations where you or someone close to you failed?

Or did things happen that no one was responsible for? How can you deal with such situations without them stressing and triggering you for years to come? That's what this blog is about.

Perfect birth?

When our first daughter was born a lot went wrong. The birth lasted all night, partly because the midwife didn't give me the right advice. I had no idea, it was my first birth.

The next morning it was finally time. Our daughter was lying on my stomach. But I couldn't enjoy it much because I my pains just grew worse every minute. At some point I couldn't take it anymore. The pain got so intense that I just wanted to faint.

I had a complication so I had to have an emergency surgery.

Shortly after I woke up, the doctors and midwives noticed that our daughter was not breathing well. Later it became clear that she got infected with streptococci during birth.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Gib die Kontrolle an Gott ab.
Baby Feet by Rene Asmussen from Pexels

Why hadn't anyone noticed that before? There had been a streptococci test 2 days befor birth and it was positive! I could tell from the faces of the doctors and midwives that they had overlooked it. A short time later, our daughter was transferred to the intensive care unit. We didn't get to see her again until the next day and only very rarely in the days that followed.

I was discharged home in a state of complete exhaustion. Fresh out of the operating room, I was supposed to drive to the hospital for a few hours every day to take care of my child. Only after strenuous discussions was I able to at least get a bed with our daughter in the intensive care unit.

letting go of control

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Lass die Kontrolle über deine Mitmenschen los!
by geralt from Pixabay

There is so much potential for inner stress and anxiety in this experience. I had heard the sentence over and over again: “The first few hours are so important for the mother-child bond. If you miss it, you can never make up for it!"

Only now did I realize what a terrible claim that was. So many parents and especially mothers are being pressured with such words while they are already struggling with a difficult birth. But I was then and still am convinced that this is simply not true. Us humans are not like a small and fragile plant that breaks off in the slightest storm. We are robust. And although babies are very needy, they still are people.

This situation could have sent me into great inner stress that would have haunted me, maybe even to this day: "What if my relationship with my daughter suffers forever?"

Stress? Discover God's invitation to become free and surrender control to him

But this experience also has another potential:

I had to decide in that moment: do I trust God or do I trust fear?

I'm so glad I chose God. I was able to let go and trust: "Even if a lot went wrong here: God is with us, with me and with our child and is stronger than our problems."

I was able to experience that my trust in God carries me. He is the one who makes me strong. Despite this difficult situation.

I know that this situation may be ridiculous compared to the problems that are attacking you. But even if your problems are far greater, there is one who is a master at handling your problems, too. 

A ship does not sink because of the water that surrounds it...

Life is full of situations, that we cannot control. The first impulse in Problems is usually to want to control the situation. In many areas this makes perfect sense. For example, it's really good to react quickly when the basement is full of water. It's all about getting the problem under control.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Kontrollieren was Kontrollierbar ist
By Giada Venturino from Pexels

In other situations, however, this is not really possible. It is not in your hands that your partner makes the right decisions for your relationship.

Many people are unaware of this problem: the longer the list gets of things you want to control, the more your inner stress and panic will increase.

This panic only surfaces when something “gets out of control”. Is this inner stress, panic and pain just unavoidable? With no way out?

I am convinced that the God who made you has a way out for you.

God's silent influence

One of the greatest positive influences you can have on your family, children, partner or friends is making room for God in your relationship and family.

This is the first and most important step in order to learn to let go of control. What can that look like? This is not about a meditative approach: as if everything is unimportant or the goal is detachment from all goals and human difficulties. On the contrary.

It's about discovering that in God you have a wonderful friend and advocate who fights for you, experiences your pain and stands by your side. He loves you passionately and is strong enough to help you. Only when you actively give him your burden can you be relieved of your burden. This is often necessary on a daily basis, as pain always accumulates or wells up again. If you try it without him, you either carry the burden wherever you go or you run the risk of becoming indifferent to life.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? lass Gott rein und Kontrolle los
By thomas68 from Pixabay

A ship does not sink because of the water that surrounds it. It sinks because of the water that gets in the ship.
Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.

You as a human being were created to master difficult situations - hand in hand with your God who fights for you. So is your child. Trust him: he fights and wins for you. That's why you don't have to be afraid of difficult situations.

Therefore, never make it your greatest goal in life not to have problems. That only brings stress.

Welcome to God's world

Everyone lives in relationships with people that are uncontrollable. Computers are predictable. Animals are in many situations quite predictable too. But humans are completely different.

In these relationships we experience what God experiences with us humans. Because he created you free, to live the way you want to. And he doesn't control you.

A chicken I can it does what all chicken do, because its instinct determines it. You as a person are different. God created you to be like himself. Therefore, you can voluntarily choose to have a relationship with him or not.

The relationships you live in are the same. Your relationship can be beautiful if your partner stays with you voluntarily. Your relationship with your children can be free and joyful when they choose to listen to you.

When you marry, you enter into a contract with someone who is unpredictable. And when you then have children, you bring little people into the world who again are one thing: completely unpredictable. You have no idea what will become of them.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? versuchst du Menschen zu kontrollieren?
By Agostino Toselli from Pexels

Peace instead of stress: learn to parent without controlling

You can imagine as much as you want what will become of your child. But that doesn't change the fact: you can't control it. Of course you can try to control your child. However, this will bring stress into your relationship that is very destructive.

Nobody shows us who we are
and what's really inside of us, like our own children.

When we had our children, I was surprised how such a tiny person managed to create so much anger in me. It simply didn't have to do what I needed it to do or what was good for the child. Kids don't respect your boundaries as parents at all!

Until you had children, there probably wasn't someone like that in your life: someone who doesn't respect it at all when you say: "I can't take it anymore, I need a break". You have to get used to that first. Kids just keep doing what they shouln't and toddlers just throw themselves on the floor more stubborn than before.

By Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

My children really confronted me with my weaknesses. Even more than my husband. And that's really good. Because that's how growth happens. Nothing is worse than a life without growth. But then comes this realization that many parents probably have: "I love it best when everything goes my way :-)."

Letting go of control in parenting

Dany Silk describes the difference between controlling and parenting very well in his book Loving our kids on purpose.

The message we send to our children is clear: “I cannot control you. I can't control your appetite. I can't control your study habits. I can't control your respect. I can't control the tongue in your mouth. I can't control your attitude. I can't control anything from you. I can set some boundaries. I have some pretty cool tools to use when you mess up, but I want you to learn fast that your side of our relationship is yours. Your life is yours and you must learn how to live with it because there will come a day when I won't be there."

Loving our kids on purpose, p.140

There's no point trying to control your kids...it just increases stress for you and your kids. It's far better to give your kids a choice with clear boundaries.

Is your child not cleaning up their room? Sure, you can scold and get upset. And maybe you will also achieve what you want: that your child tidies up. But you haven't changed anything about your child's attitude.

The other way is: you set limits that you can live with: “Your task today is to eat this meal without fuss. If you don't do that, you'll help me clean up the kitchen for half an hour. I can live with both.”

It might make sense for you to come up with other consequences. What fits into your everyday life? Consequences where you end up paying the price are usualy bad. Consequences that last longer than a day are also difficult to overlook and keep up with.

Control yourself and the conflict, not your child or spouse

“There is nothing wrong with being different. Learn to allow those around you to be themselves and you to be yourself. Then you are well on your way to removing the deadly element of control from your relationships!”
Danny Silk, Author of loving our kids on purpose

The important thing is: get the conflict situation under control, not your child or partner! Your child must then freely decide whether to continue fighting against you and the rules or whether to accept the rules.

But kids are incredibly smart. They won't constantly choose situations where they end up having to clean up for an hour.

How do you know you're in control of the situation? When you are no longer extremely stressed about the situation, but still knowthat you will reach your goal or (with your partner) will find a solution.

Wanting to be in control brings stress, especially in your marriage and parenting

If I as a person tend to want to control people, this of course applies to all relationships, including marriage. Unfortunately, controlling your spouse is no less problematic. Do you often get upset with your partner? Very often the reason is that he or she is not acting the way you want him/ her to. If you want to get out of this, you have to ask yourself: do I allow my partner to make mistakes? Is my partner allowed to be imperfect?

Here are a few questions for personal reflection:

  • Am I allowed to make mistakes?
  • Is my partner allowed to make mistakes?
  • How afraid am I of what other people will think of me or my partner when he does something wrong?
  • In everyday life, do I spend a lot of time thinking of fears of the future or sadnesses of the past?”
  • I often think: If only things had gone differently back then. That was such an important day!

Did you answer yes to many of these sentences? Then tell yourself:

“Today is actually the most important day. How I live and think today determines how I evaluate and feel about the past and the future.

That decides whether my inner boat of life sinks filled with water or sails strong and safe through the storms of life.”

I hope you have a day where you bravely take new steps towards freedom. Do not give up! There is hope 🙂

Anita

Does your inner light shine?

Away from the inner chaos

Imagine you enter a room in which complete chaos reigns. You think to yourself: The poor soul, that has to clean up this mess! Then you suddenly realize: oh gosh, that's my room! Now suddenly you're the poor soul! But the worst part isn't even the mess. The room is pitch black most of the time. Every now and then a ray of light comes in, just to remind you how bad the chaos is.

Leuchetet dein inneres Licht oder herrscht Chaos und Dunkelheit?

Shelves swept empty, books and documents on the floor, unimportant rubbish mixed with precious memories are lying in a corner on the floor. And who would have thought: A pile of dog poop lies peacefully under a chair and spreads its very own aroma. Next to it your favorite photo album.

The task of tidying up a room that is really utter chaos is quite a drag. Doing all this in the dark is almost impossible without the help of someone who can see.
But this is and will remain your room! And it's the only room you have to live in all the time.
It's up to you to create structures that make the room a space that you like to live in and that brings joy to you and the people who visit you.

Let's assume you would manage to tidy up this room and furnish it in such a way that you would feel comfortable in it. But even then: who likes to be in a dark room? Who would like to come and visit?

This room is YOU, so to speak. Or this room is inside of you. It's your inner life. The only room of this kind that you have. You still have your bones, your blood, your skin, etc. All of this is connected to this space, but it is not your inner space - your thoughts, feelings and what we call our heart.
So much in life often confuses us. Important things that happen and are said mix with unimportant things and it's really hard to separate one from the other in the dark. And then things happen that you would rather not experience. Someone just dumps their poop on you. Or you've done something terribly wrong and it creates a dreadfull mess internally. Cleaning up poop is never fun. But in the dark?! There is a great temptation to ignore the poop and just leave it there. But that's hardly a good decision.

Your eye gives light to the body.
If your eye is healthy, then your whole body will be bright as well.
But if it is sick, then your body will be dark.
So make sure that there is no darkness in you instead of light.
When your whole body is filled with light and there is nothing dark in it,
then it will be as bright as when a lamp illuminates you with its light.

Jesus, about 27 AD

If only someone could turn on the light! Because with light the most important thing comes into the room. What a relaxation. The confusing darkness is gone. Finally you can see clearly.

I know the scenario I just described very well. It was a real salvation for me to notice that God wants to bring light to me in a very practical way and give me inner peace and order. If you have never experienced this inner chaos, this article is probably not for you.

In any case, having Jesus with me in my everyday life has become medicine for me.

If I don't drink enough, I get a headache.
If I don't spend enough time with God, the
inner chaos and confusing darkness start to spread out.


Then, if I'm wise, I quickly put on the kettle, sit down with a cuppa, and invite Jesus into my inner room and have tea with him. Then he brings light. And when, you're sitting there with him in your inner room, it can't be any other way than for Jesus to start asking like any good friend would: 'Hey, why is there still that pile of s*** from 20 years ago? I could help you get rid of it. It might take a little while, but we could get started...' And: 'Should I help you sort out the rubbish?',... That is what he will start doing if you invite him. If you don't want that, it's better not to invite him. But, man, is it worth cleaning out this room with him. I would never want to miss that. I mean, who willingly cleans up a mess he didn't make?!

He helps me to focus on what is important in life and not to waste my life with emotional garbage. We pack things that bother me into a box and then I hand it to him. He takes them away. Sometimes I take these things back again, but I'm getting better and better at noticing that and giving them back to him. It's really a matter of practice. And he takes my failing with humor.

Leuchtet dein inneres Licht? Mit Gott im Chaos die Ruhe behalten
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

You may be wondering why the Bible says Jesus died for us. Well, that's exactly why: to be light in you and me and to clean up our poop. This "poop" in life can be very different: People who have hurt you. People that you have hurt. Maybe some memories of what you or others did still haunt you. Maybe you treat yourself badly or hurt yourself. Bad experiences are also part of this poop. Or addictions you may have. Destructive behavior you just can't stop.

A lot of people try to get the poop out of their lives without him. I have a feeling that this leads to one of two things: you don't get rid of the poop, you just keep getting more. Then the room remains quite a pigsty. Or they can get rid of it, but have to use such strong cleaning agents that burn everything away, leaving an empty, sterile room.
I think Jesus does a better job.

Does your inner light shine?

I have experienced how God has changed my inner space day by day in a very unspectacular way, but somehow also completely supernaturally. When he's there, it feels so good. Just like a warm light after everything being dark.
And it starts very simple. Maybe so simple that you don't even notice a difference at first.
Make an effort to spend time with him. Talk to Jesus and let him have a say too. And if you can't hear him, don't doubt that he's still there. Maybe he's busy cleaning up your inner room. Invite him to be the light in you. He doesn't just talk of the light, but he is the light.

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will no longer wander in the dark, but will have the light of life.”
Jesus