Author: Anita

Feeling depressed? These 6 lifestyle habits won't help

/ Anita

Feeling depressed in '22? What can you do until the therapist has time? Find out which 6 lifestyle habits won't help and what you can do instead!

What can YOU do?

2022 seems like a bad year to deal with depressed feelings. The waiting lists are so long that even the news reports about it. What should you do while you are stuck in this desperate situation and need help, but you're not getting it (yet)? The good news is: you don't just have to sit there waiting. There are things you can do. And things you can stop doing. I would like to show you 6 life habits that do not help with feelings of depression.

If you manage to get rid of just one of these 6 habits this month, that would be a first step in bringing relief to your heart. Because that's what your heart desperately longs for: relief.

God your therapist?

Don't be surprised, however, if God somehow appears in almost every point. He created your heart and therefore he knows best what makes you sick. So you could call him the best of all therapists.

Not only did he make you, he also loves you extremely and wants to have a relationship with you. While you might feel like a dried up garden, he desires to fill your heart with life and new growth.

Depressive Gefühle? Sie belasten das Herz unglaublich. Finde durch 6 neue Lebensgewohnheiten Entlastung für dein Herz.
By Pexels–2286921 from Pixabay

Is the topic affecting you right now and are you suffering from depressive feelings, but haven't gotten any help yet? Or are you just looking for answers by yourself?

Then join me to think about which 6 life habits make you actually worse and which opposite habits on the other hand will bring you relief.

Finding hope

I'm not a psychologist and I certainly don't want to pretend that I know exactly why you're suffering on the inside. Also, I don't want to tell you that you simply have to avoid these lifestyle habits to get healed from depression.

But I am convinced that it makes sense, especially in desperate situations, to think about God's thoughts on us humans. He has personally given me such good advice on so many occasions that carried me through good times and bad.

Maybe this can be more like a conversation between friends or siblings. I would so love for you to get better. So, make yourself a nice cup of tea and sit down with me to think about how your heart can be relieved even just a little.

Because every small positive change is better than no Change at all!

Detox your heart!

I recently read a book about how to detoxify your liver. Because some physical complaints can be improved in this way. The liver is the body's main detoxification organ. It has an important job, but we pay very little attention to it these days.

Another organ that isn't quite organic is your "heart." So not your heart organ with all the blood in it, but your heart, which is also called soul or spirit.

I don't know how you grew up and how much attention your heart got or gets. But just like the liver, your heart is the "organ" responsible for detoxification. Your heart absorbs all the stimuli of your inner and outer world and tries to process them.

When the liver is overloaded with poison, the liver fails and the human becomes incredibly ill. What happens to your heart when it is overloaded with poison?

Deine Leber und dein Herz haben eine Gemeinsamkeit: sie entgiften so viel sie können - die Leber aus deinem Körper, dein Herz aus deinem emotionalen Umfeld

What poisons your heart?

Unfortunately, there is no blood test that can determine what exactly is poisoning your or my heart. But there is wisdom for that. This is what psychology itself is based on: recognizing through observation and wise conclusions what is making the human psyche ill.

Wisdom is also a big theme in the Bible. God, as he introduces himself through the Bible, has many suggestions on how you can live your life wisely and well. And if you live your life according to his values of love and honor it often lead to a (sometimes slow) improvement of the situation. And if not the situation, then at least your heart.

So question these points and think about what makes sense in your case. It's not a "do this and I guarantee" kind of thing. But it's an invitation to take baby steps out of the fog.

Where does your poison come from?

When I have a physical problem, it obviously helps to understand where the pain is coming from. Then I can better assess the problem and consider how to react.

The same is true with the heart: It helps to recognize what could be responsible for the poisoning. For example, the cause may be how others treat you; or an overwhelming everyday life. Maybe you find yourself in a stressful extreme situation.

But whether your heart copes well or poorly with these challenges has a lot to do with how you dealwith the poison. How do you, when others treat you badly or problems come your way?

How do you feel about yourself when you fail and don't live up to your expectations? Can you enjoy your reflection in the mirror or can't you even bear it? Extreme burdens can come into your life from not admiting guilt or a refusal to forgive.

It is very important how your heart deals with the influences of your environment. Take a minute to think if you know immediately from which area your stress is coming from. You can also check several boxes.

Depressed feelings? So here are the 6 lifestyle habits that don’t help:

But now to the question: what really does not help when your heart suffers from poisoning and you are struggling with depressive feelings?

1 - don't spend time with your designer!

That just has to be the first point. Because it has the biggest influence, although it might seem so irrelevant. Maybe you're not "believing" in God at all? I'm convinced you definitely believe in something. At least you are believing that there is no God. Whether you believe in him or not yet. It's definitely a big mistake not to spend time with him. ;-) Nobody knows you better than him.

He has been looking for you for a long time and is waiting for moments of your attention. Not because he's so lonely and poor, but because he's so strong and passionate.

I don't know anyone who encourages me like he does. Granted, he's often a silent friend, but what a friend he is!

Sit down with him once or twice a day for a cup of tea instead of going through everyday life without him.

Imagine his friendship through pictures: He is like a river that flows around you with peace. When you're in the flow of his love you can't help but get wet.

He is like a tree, you are like the fruit. Connect with the tree and its life force will flow into you.

It's like the water you drink. Without water, you'll get headaches and then worse. Without God your soul dries up. You often just don't realize that you miss him. He wants to fill you with his life and power. You just have to open up to him and be patient.

But if you really don't want him in your life, that path remains closed.

depressive Gefühle? Lebensgewohnheiten entdecken: Gott will wie erfrischendes Wasser für dich sein.
Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels

2 - wait until the next vacation to recharge!

It's a mistake to think that you can once a year catch up on the peace and recharging that you've missed out on every day! Every day is incredibly important to keeping your heart healthy or experiencing improvement.

So don't wait until the weekend or your next vacation. Structure your day with breaks. Maybe an emotionally fit person needs fewer breaks than you do now. But if you're not feeling well, it's not only okay, it's absolutely essential that you treat yourself kindly and compassionately.

Do you secretly wish that someone would come up to you and say, "Sit down, take a break and I'll do this for you," but that person never comes? Then you be this person for yourself!

fail to plan - plan to fail

Start today to slowly rid yourself off excessive performance demands. Do you think it is impossibleto schedule a break in your everyday life? Then change something in your daily routine. You can certainly not determine everything in your everyday life, but your 24 hours of life today are still yours. Yes, there are elements that can't be removed, but there are definitely also flexible ones. Start planning your days consciously. If you don't plan, your time will be planned for you. If you can't do this on your own, ask someone for help. It's so worth it.

3 - fill your breaks with garbage like scrolling on Facebook, Instagram, news, messages and Co.!

If you take breaks, maybe even long ones, it's a very bad idea to fill them completely with garbage. Music with bad or meaningless lyrics can be nice. But it can also drag you down or at least not lift you up.

what is stopping you from drinking a cup of tea with God today and experiencing his love?

Find music that encourages you. My first tip would be music from prayer houses, e.g. ihop, maveric city music, prayer house augsburg,...

my playlist for my time with God

If your heart feels healthy, chances are you'll just listen to the music you like. But if your heart is burdened, treat yourself to lyrics that will lift you up. God gives us so much encouragement, and it is precisely this encouragement that is expressed in songs that people write with and for God.

News can be like an infusion of poison. Reduce this input radically . Watching the news once a week is more than enough. You cannot save the world by knowing about all the problems. But you can save your world if you don't suck up the world's troubles.

Is your life the worlds dumpsite?

You're not letting everyone deliver their garbage to your property! The same must be true of your heart and mind! The burden of the world is far too much for your heart which is your internal property.

Therefore, fill your free time with good things that calm your heart - for example with nature, plants, sports, friends, but that can also mean watching a film together or alone. At a time when I was very exhausted and just surviving the day, watching an episode or two with my husband in the evening was just what I needed. I just had no energy for conversation or activities. ... what is good for you and what is not? Listen to your heart.

erlebst du genug Natur?
By Mabel Amber from Pixabay
Plane Lebensgewohnheiten gegen depressive Gefühle in deinen Alltag ein: Feuer
By Elias Strale from Pexels
depressive Gefühle? Gemütlichkeit schaffen
By corelens

4 - don't accept your human limitations!

When I mix concrete with my hand mixer, I don't have to wait long for it to break. But you as a person and you specifically, with your name and your story, have your limitations and can't do everything.

Do you love yourself even though you have these limitations? God loves you with your limitations. Live within your boundaries. You are wonderfully made and must not only grudgingly accept your limitations but celebrate them. You are well made even if you are weaker than others.

It also helps your stress level to accept the limits of your fellow human beings. It's ok if your husband doesn't do everything perfectly. He's also only human and different from you. I have to learn this again and again: my husband is just often tired. When the kids were younger, it was harder for him to get his sleep. But even now I have to make a conscious decision: I want to give him the rest he needs. Getting angry about it brings stress – not only to him but to me as well. You can ask him how well I can do it... Well, we are all in a process 🙂 In order for it to work better, of course I also have to give myself the rest I need.

5 - see everything and everyone critically. Forgive yourself and others no mistakes!

If you want to build yourself a prison, then see everything critically and do not forgive others. Only you can release yourself from this prison. God encourages you very seriously:

"Don't stay in this prison! Change how you think. Otherwise it won't end well." Today can be the day you slowly change your thinking.

If you would start walking bent down all the time, your flexor muscles would start to shorten; your extensors, which bring the body into the upright position, would start to weaken (to put it simply). It takes a lot of practice and training to bring you back to the upright position. And the more time you let pass, the harder it gets.

Apply the picture to critical thinking and the refusal to forgive: This attitude to life means that you only go through life bent over and can no longer live upright.

Vergeben: Lebensgewohnheiten gegen depressive Gefühle
By fauxels

It takes practice to get out of this position. At first it might hurt and be very tiring. But it's not impossible. However, the longer you stay in this position, the more difficult it becomes.

Therefore, avoid talking bad or critical about yourself, others or situations as much as you can. Be kind to yourself and others. Ask God for help. He can and wants to!

6 – be ungrateful!

Maybe there isn't much reason to be thankful in your life. Then I'm very sorry. It's not nice when your life is filled with a lot of suffering and sad experiences.

But look at gratitude as something that makes beautiful things become visible again. Bad experiences cause the things that are still good in life to disappear from your vision. This is how darkness wins: first bad things come in your life and then the good thiings disappear from your sight.

Look around you today and try to thank God again and again for something you take for granted. The fresh morning air, the sunset, a baby... I think it's important to say thank you to God. After all, that's where the joy comes from.

Dankbarkeit -Lebensgewohnheiten gegen depressive Gefühle

If my children say thank you for something I have done or given them, adressing the atmosphere instead of me, what is the value of this thank you? Do I rejoice in their joy? Do my children enjoy my happiness?

Thanking has a lot to do with relationship with your God. And joy comes from the relationship, not from just thanking. Because if you start thanking him, God will start being able to show you more and more beautiful things that he has prepared for you, even though your life is difficult right now. He's just waiting.

Depressed feelings? These 6 lifestyle habits will help!

These were the 6 habits that definitely make your life harder and don't help with feelings of depression. To put it all positively, here it is again vice versa. These 6 lifestyle habits maybe won't cure you, but they can hopefully help you feeling less depressed:

  1. Spend time with God every day.
    It is as important for your heart to be with him, as it is for your body that you drink and eat.
  2. Set up times of recovery and peace in your everyday life.
    Start today. If that does not work, change something! Don't make excuses that you can't change anything.
  3. Fill your breaks with meaningfull and hopefilled music, less social media, news and meaningless rubbish.
    You're not letting the world around you dump their garbage in your yard! The same must be true for your heart and mind!
  4. Accept your limitations as a human - God created you really good - but limited.
    You don't have to be able to do everything and you don't have to be perfect. And you don't have as good, strong or amazing as ... (enter a name that pops in your head;-) )
  5. Forgive yourself and others.
    Instead of thinking critically, practice having kind thoughts about yourself and others.
  6. Be thankful to God.
    If you start doing that, God can show you more and more beautiful things that you couldn't see anymore. He's really good at it.
dein Herz ist es Gott wert, dass du vergibst
by towfiqu barbhuiya

Which of these 6 habits do you think you should start working on? Is there one habit that you would like to hear more about? Just dm me on Instagram or write me an email!

Anita

read more about the topic: Love your life - unfold instead of vegetate

Stress in parenting and marriage? Let go of control!

/ Anita / Leave a comment

Do you have a lot of stress in your marriage/relationship and raising your kids? Do you often get into loud arguments at home? Do mistakes from people and situations that went wrong bother you for a very long time? Do you often try to prevent all problems and difficulties, and panic when something doesn't go really well?

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Versuch nicht den Sturm zu kontrollieren sondern dich selbst
By Lena Khrupina from Pexels

I want to encourage you not to accept that. Because there is a better way to live.

letting go of the need to control others

When people fail or things go wrong, you always have a choice in how you deal with it. That's far more important than what's going wrong right now. If life has one thing in store for you, it's this: storms.

So don't waste your energy wishing for a life of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, but do the only thing that makes sense: become internally "stormproof". The first step to do this is to let go of the need to control others.

Only control what can be controlled!

So many situations in life bring stress. I don't know what your life is like right now: What went terribly wrong? What are the situations where you or someone close to you failed?

Or did things happen that no one was responsible for? How can you deal with such situations without them stressing and triggering you for years to come? That's what this blog is about.

Perfect birth?

When our first daughter was born a lot went wrong. The birth lasted all night, partly because the midwife didn't give me the right advice. I had no idea, it was my first birth.

The next morning it was finally time. Our daughter was lying on my stomach. But I couldn't enjoy it much because I my pains just grew worse every minute. At some point I couldn't take it anymore. The pain got so intense that I just wanted to faint.

I had a complication so I had to have an emergency surgery.

Shortly after I woke up, the doctors and midwives noticed that our daughter was not breathing well. Later it became clear that she got infected with streptococci during birth.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Gib die Kontrolle an Gott ab.
Baby Feet by Rene Asmussen from Pexels

Why hadn't anyone noticed that before? There had been a streptococci test 2 days befor birth and it was positive! I could tell from the faces of the doctors and midwives that they had overlooked it. A short time later, our daughter was transferred to the intensive care unit. We didn't get to see her again until the next day and only very rarely in the days that followed.

I was discharged home in a state of complete exhaustion. Fresh out of the operating room, I was supposed to drive to the hospital for a few hours every day to take care of my child. Only after strenuous discussions was I able to at least get a bed with our daughter in the intensive care unit.

letting go of control

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Lass die Kontrolle über deine Mitmenschen los!
by geralt from Pixabay

There is so much potential for inner stress and anxiety in this experience. I had heard the sentence over and over again: “The first few hours are so important for the mother-child bond. If you miss it, you can never make up for it!"

Only now did I realize what a terrible claim that was. So many parents and especially mothers are being pressured with such words while they are already struggling with a difficult birth. But I was then and still am convinced that this is simply not true. Us humans are not like a small and fragile plant that breaks off in the slightest storm. We are robust. And although babies are very needy, they still are people.

This situation could have sent me into great inner stress that would have haunted me, maybe even to this day: "What if my relationship with my daughter suffers forever?"

Stress? Discover God's invitation to become free and surrender control to him

But this experience also has another potential:

I had to decide in that moment: do I trust God or do I trust fear?

I'm so glad I chose God. I was able to let go and trust: "Even if a lot went wrong here: God is with us, with me and with our child and is stronger than our problems."

I was able to experience that my trust in God carries me. He is the one who makes me strong. Despite this difficult situation.

I know that this situation may be ridiculous compared to the problems that are attacking you. But even if your problems are far greater, there is one who is a master at handling your problems, too. 

A ship does not sink because of the water that surrounds it...

Life is full of situations, that we cannot control. The first impulse in Problems is usually to want to control the situation. In many areas this makes perfect sense. For example, it's really good to react quickly when the basement is full of water. It's all about getting the problem under control.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? Kontrollieren was Kontrollierbar ist
By Giada Venturino from Pexels

In other situations, however, this is not really possible. It is not in your hands that your partner makes the right decisions for your relationship.

Many people are unaware of this problem: the longer the list gets of things you want to control, the more your inner stress and panic will increase.

This panic only surfaces when something “gets out of control”. Is this inner stress, panic and pain just unavoidable? With no way out?

I am convinced that the God who made you has a way out for you.

God's silent influence

One of the greatest positive influences you can have on your family, children, partner or friends is making room for God in your relationship and family.

This is the first and most important step in order to learn to let go of control. What can that look like? This is not about a meditative approach: as if everything is unimportant or the goal is detachment from all goals and human difficulties. On the contrary.

It's about discovering that in God you have a wonderful friend and advocate who fights for you, experiences your pain and stands by your side. He loves you passionately and is strong enough to help you. Only when you actively give him your burden can you be relieved of your burden. This is often necessary on a daily basis, as pain always accumulates or wells up again. If you try it without him, you either carry the burden wherever you go or you run the risk of becoming indifferent to life.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? lass Gott rein und Kontrolle los
By thomas68 from Pixabay

A ship does not sink because of the water that surrounds it. It sinks because of the water that gets in the ship.
Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.

You as a human being were created to master difficult situations - hand in hand with your God who fights for you. So is your child. Trust him: he fights and wins for you. That's why you don't have to be afraid of difficult situations.

Therefore, never make it your greatest goal in life not to have problems. That only brings stress.

Welcome to God's world

Everyone lives in relationships with people that are uncontrollable. Computers are predictable. Animals are in many situations quite predictable too. But humans are completely different.

In these relationships we experience what God experiences with us humans. Because he created you free, to live the way you want to. And he doesn't control you.

A chicken I can it does what all chicken do, because its instinct determines it. You as a person are different. God created you to be like himself. Therefore, you can voluntarily choose to have a relationship with him or not.

The relationships you live in are the same. Your relationship can be beautiful if your partner stays with you voluntarily. Your relationship with your children can be free and joyful when they choose to listen to you.

When you marry, you enter into a contract with someone who is unpredictable. And when you then have children, you bring little people into the world who again are one thing: completely unpredictable. You have no idea what will become of them.

Stress in Ehe und Erziehung? versuchst du Menschen zu kontrollieren?
By Agostino Toselli from Pexels

Peace instead of stress: learn to parent without controlling

You can imagine as much as you want what will become of your child. But that doesn't change the fact: you can't control it. Of course you can try to control your child. However, this will bring stress into your relationship that is very destructive.

Nobody shows us who we are
and what's really inside of us, like our own children.

When we had our children, I was surprised how such a tiny person managed to create so much anger in me. It simply didn't have to do what I needed it to do or what was good for the child. Kids don't respect your boundaries as parents at all!

Until you had children, there probably wasn't someone like that in your life: someone who doesn't respect it at all when you say: "I can't take it anymore, I need a break". You have to get used to that first. Kids just keep doing what they shouln't and toddlers just throw themselves on the floor more stubborn than before.

By Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

My children really confronted me with my weaknesses. Even more than my husband. And that's really good. Because that's how growth happens. Nothing is worse than a life without growth. But then comes this realization that many parents probably have: "I love it best when everything goes my way :-)."

Letting go of control in parenting

Dany Silk describes the difference between controlling and parenting very well in his book Loving our kids on purpose.

The message we send to our children is clear: “I cannot control you. I can't control your appetite. I can't control your study habits. I can't control your respect. I can't control the tongue in your mouth. I can't control your attitude. I can't control anything from you. I can set some boundaries. I have some pretty cool tools to use when you mess up, but I want you to learn fast that your side of our relationship is yours. Your life is yours and you must learn how to live with it because there will come a day when I won't be there."

Loving our kids on purpose, p.140

There's no point trying to control your kids...it just increases stress for you and your kids. It's far better to give your kids a choice with clear boundaries.

Is your child not cleaning up their room? Sure, you can scold and get upset. And maybe you will also achieve what you want: that your child tidies up. But you haven't changed anything about your child's attitude.

The other way is: you set limits that you can live with: “Your task today is to eat this meal without fuss. If you don't do that, you'll help me clean up the kitchen for half an hour. I can live with both.”

It might make sense for you to come up with other consequences. What fits into your everyday life? Consequences where you end up paying the price are usualy bad. Consequences that last longer than a day are also difficult to overlook and keep up with.

Control yourself and the conflict, not your child or spouse

“There is nothing wrong with being different. Learn to allow those around you to be themselves and you to be yourself. Then you are well on your way to removing the deadly element of control from your relationships!”
Danny Silk, Author of loving our kids on purpose

The important thing is: get the conflict situation under control, not your child or partner! Your child must then freely decide whether to continue fighting against you and the rules or whether to accept the rules.

But kids are incredibly smart. They won't constantly choose situations where they end up having to clean up for an hour.

How do you know you're in control of the situation? When you are no longer extremely stressed about the situation, but still knowthat you will reach your goal or (with your partner) will find a solution.

Wanting to be in control brings stress, especially in your marriage and parenting

If I as a person tend to want to control people, this of course applies to all relationships, including marriage. Unfortunately, controlling your spouse is no less problematic. Do you often get upset with your partner? Very often the reason is that he or she is not acting the way you want him/ her to. If you want to get out of this, you have to ask yourself: do I allow my partner to make mistakes? Is my partner allowed to be imperfect?

Here are a few questions for personal reflection:

  • Am I allowed to make mistakes?
  • Is my partner allowed to make mistakes?
  • How afraid am I of what other people will think of me or my partner when he does something wrong?
  • In everyday life, do I spend a lot of time thinking of fears of the future or sadnesses of the past?”
  • I often think: If only things had gone differently back then. That was such an important day!

Did you answer yes to many of these sentences? Then tell yourself:

“Today is actually the most important day. How I live and think today determines how I evaluate and feel about the past and the future.

That decides whether my inner boat of life sinks filled with water or sails strong and safe through the storms of life.”

I hope you have a day where you bravely take new steps towards freedom. Do not give up! There is hope 🙂

Anita

Love being a mom/dad
Love Your Marriage

Why honesty in parenting pays off

/ Anita

Education is probably one of the greatest challenges that humanity has had to face. I at least find this task extremely great, but also very challenging. Raising my children to be honest is an absolute cornerstone for me. This can protect you and your family from great dangers. So I invite you to consider why you should raise honestly.

practice honesty

Watch the video on this topic here

I don't know how you grew up and how important honesty was in your family. In our society, a change is very clear: Honesty is no longer a cornerstone, and if it is, then rather a cornerstone communicates as practiced becomes.

Little kids - little lies, big kids - big lies?

Do you find yourself thinking: when children are small, isn't it so bad to lie a little here and there? If so, then it's really understandable. You're often just trying to get your kids to do what they need or should do at the moment. The little lie then sometimes helps to avoid an endless discussion.

Or do you feel that you basically find the (emergency) lie okay? Well, everything has a price. And so does lying.

As your young children grow older, they will learn from you how to deal with problems on a daily basis.

If you like to twist the truth to get out of silly situations, then they've definitely got one thing: "(White) lying is okay. My parents do it too.” And so they enter their teenage years with this idea that lying is okay. After all, nothing teaches a person better than a role model.

Statistik zu lügen oder ehrlich sein
https://de.statista.com/statistik/daten/studie/2426/umfrage/situationen-die-luegen-rechtfertigen/#professional

By the time they are teenagers, your child will apply what they have learned.

An honest society?

We live in a society steeped in lies. In every message I read, I have to fear that there will also be lies. The value of truth has become so irrelevant. That need surprise no one.

Because my first reason to be honest is: I love a God who loves the truth. And he tells me, "I want you to love truth and honesty, too." My second reason is that I really see the good effects of truth.

But when a society does not believe in God, it lacks this first reason. Without God it is then up to you alone: you can decide for yourself whether it makes sense for you to tell the truth. But that brings with it big problems.

ehrlich erziehen oder lügen? du bestimmst die Richtung
geralt from pixabay

Because a little bit of lying still gets you off a good path, like walking a little south when you meant to go north. Because as far as south and north lie and truth are apart.

In the end, this doesn't just affect you; your whole family will be pulled in the direction you take.

One effect of this change of direction is that at some point you yourself no longer recognize the truth correctly. If you keep walking down the path of lies, at some point you will start believing your own lies.

At least now it will be critical. Then a lot in your relationships can break or has already broken. That's the price lies have.

Loving and practicing the truth

You probably feel the same way that you really don't like it when you're being lied to. When politicians and journalists lie, there is (rightly) a lot of excitement. But something suddenly seems to change when it comes to the fact that I should also be honest myself.

There is not much more important than loving the truth and practicing it yourself. The truth is often uncomfortable and exhausting. Sometimes telling the truth comes at a price. It can be very uncomfortable and leave me disadvantaged.

Honesty has a price. But dishonesty also has a price. And it's even higher.

When dishonesty creeps into your relationship with your child, the price is even higher today than it used to be. Because in the past, a child had to go to dark corners too late if they wanted to betray their parents.

Today it's all possible in your child's room, with a tap or two on the phone. Unobserved, your child will find endless videos and pictures here that will ruin their self-esteem.

Breaking through this starts with your child telling or showing you the truth. Is it important to you that your child is honest with you? Are you interested in what thoughts your child is exposed to? I have to keep reminding myself of this and start talking to my children again.

I find honesty quite comparable to a seat belt. It's uncomfortable sometimes too. Nevertheless, I buckle up in the car and so does my child. Because being in an accident without a seat belt is much more uncomfortable.

ehrlich erziehen wirkt wie ein Sicherheitsgurt für deine Familie
by rattanakun from canva

Where has my child gone?

One of the saddest things about raising children is when a distance builds up between you and your child like a wall - like you're losing your child. Your happy, loving relationship has suddenly turned into a state of argument or silence, an intangible distance.

This has so much to do with raising honest - ie you are honest and you encourage your children to be honest.

Because when your child has got into the habit of hiding their heart from you, it's so hard to get back into it through conversation. Because the truth is no longer an issue at all. Why should the child tell you what is really going on inside him?

As a mother, I need wisdom for this. I get it from God. I can ask him for wisdom, and he is happy to give it. Otherwise I would despair.

When you're struggling with your child, the first step is to say, "Come on, let's be really honest with each other. How are you? How am I? How do you feel about the problem we have…?”

Have an open heart towards your child

If you want to bring up your child well, if you want their life to be successful, then fight for a heartfelt relationship with your child. It starts every day with your decision: "I choose to love the truth. And I share my thoughts instead of getting what I want through clever maneuvers. Even if it's difficult for me."

And then you can ask your child to trust you and open up to you. Because your relationship will only succeed if you trust each other and are honest with each other. Trusting you is then your child's choice, which you cannot force.

Of course, it doesn't happen automatically that your child will be honest if you are also honest.

Every child will lie. But it's hard to motivate your child to tell the truth when you often lie yourself. Since I would lack the arguments.

But if you're honest, you have the base to convey, "Hey, the truth is so important! I can't trust you if you're not honest. Isn't it important to you that I can trust you? Otherwise, sooner or later our relationship will break down. Is it worth it to you that we have a good relationship?”

Ehrlichkeit ist wie ein Felsen für eine Gesellschaft. mach sie Teil deiner Erziehung
Image by Oleg Magni from Pexels, design A. Riecker

Honesty and trust - the cornerstones for your healthy family

Where there is no truth, there is no trust either. And where there is no trust, it will be difficult for you to be honest with one another. Both belong together.

If I know my husband is lying to me, I can't trust him because he doesn't give me any reason to. This is such an important cornerstone in our marriage that we know my husband can trust me and I can trust him that we tell each other the truth. This is a precious treasure that I never want to lose.

I want to communicate this to my children as well. Because at some point they too will have a relationship that doesn't work without honesty.

Your child needs to know that if they lie to you, you can no longer trust them. In the small as in the big.

Building an honest world starts in your family

Is honest parenting that important? Yes! Because lies are dangerous and destructive.

We so desperately need a society that loves the truth. We need that in politics and in the media. But it doesn't start there.

ehrlich erziehen - wegen der Gefahr von Lügen

We need children who grow out of our families into adults who shape our society with honesty and change it positively. It starts at home with each individual. With me and with you and with how we treat the people around us.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Anita

Does your inner light shine?

/ Anita

Away from the inner chaos

Imagine you enter a room in which complete chaos reigns. You think to yourself: The poor soul, that has to clean up this mess! Then you suddenly realize: oh gosh, that's my room! Now suddenly you're the poor soul! But the worst part isn't even the mess. The room is pitch black most of the time. Every now and then a ray of light comes in, just to remind you how bad the chaos is.

Leuchetet dein inneres Licht oder herrscht Chaos und Dunkelheit?

Shelves swept empty, books and documents on the floor, unimportant rubbish mixed with precious memories are lying in a corner on the floor. And who would have thought: A pile of dog poop lies peacefully under a chair and spreads its very own aroma. Next to it your favorite photo album.

The task of tidying up a room that is really utter chaos is quite a drag. Doing all this in the dark is almost impossible without the help of someone who can see.
But this is and will remain your room! And it's the only room you have to live in all the time.
It's up to you to create structures that make the room a space that you like to live in and that brings joy to you and the people who visit you.

Let's assume you would manage to tidy up this room and furnish it in such a way that you would feel comfortable in it. But even then: who likes to be in a dark room? Who would like to come and visit?

This room is YOU, so to speak. Or this room is inside of you. It's your inner life. The only room of this kind that you have. You still have your bones, your blood, your skin, etc. All of this is connected to this space, but it is not your inner space - your thoughts, feelings and what we call our heart.
So much in life often confuses us. Important things that happen and are said mix with unimportant things and it's really hard to separate one from the other in the dark. And then things happen that you would rather not experience. Someone just dumps their poop on you. Or you've done something terribly wrong and it creates a dreadfull mess internally. Cleaning up poop is never fun. But in the dark?! There is a great temptation to ignore the poop and just leave it there. But that's hardly a good decision.

Your eye gives light to the body.
If your eye is healthy, then your whole body will be bright as well.
But if it is sick, then your body will be dark.
So make sure that there is no darkness in you instead of light.
When your whole body is filled with light and there is nothing dark in it,
then it will be as bright as when a lamp illuminates you with its light.

Jesus, about 27 AD

If only someone could turn on the light! Because with light the most important thing comes into the room. What a relaxation. The confusing darkness is gone. Finally you can see clearly.

I know the scenario I just described very well. It was a real salvation for me to notice that God wants to bring light to me in a very practical way and give me inner peace and order. If you have never experienced this inner chaos, this article is probably not for you.

In any case, having Jesus with me in my everyday life has become medicine for me.

If I don't drink enough, I get a headache.
If I don't spend enough time with God, the
inner chaos and confusing darkness start to spread out.


Then, if I'm wise, I quickly put on the kettle, sit down with a cuppa, and invite Jesus into my inner room and have tea with him. Then he brings light. And when, you're sitting there with him in your inner room, it can't be any other way than for Jesus to start asking like any good friend would: 'Hey, why is there still that pile of s*** from 20 years ago? I could help you get rid of it. It might take a little while, but we could get started...' And: 'Should I help you sort out the rubbish?',... That is what he will start doing if you invite him. If you don't want that, it's better not to invite him. But, man, is it worth cleaning out this room with him. I would never want to miss that. I mean, who willingly cleans up a mess he didn't make?!

He helps me to focus on what is important in life and not to waste my life with emotional garbage. We pack things that bother me into a box and then I hand it to him. He takes them away. Sometimes I take these things back again, but I'm getting better and better at noticing that and giving them back to him. It's really a matter of practice. And he takes my failing with humor.

Leuchtet dein inneres Licht? Mit Gott im Chaos die Ruhe behalten
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

You may be wondering why the Bible says Jesus died for us. Well, that's exactly why: to be light in you and me and to clean up our poop. This "poop" in life can be very different: People who have hurt you. People that you have hurt. Maybe some memories of what you or others did still haunt you. Maybe you treat yourself badly or hurt yourself. Bad experiences are also part of this poop. Or addictions you may have. Destructive behavior you just can't stop.

A lot of people try to get the poop out of their lives without him. I have a feeling that this leads to one of two things: you don't get rid of the poop, you just keep getting more. Then the room remains quite a pigsty. Or they can get rid of it, but have to use such strong cleaning agents that burn everything away, leaving an empty, sterile room.
I think Jesus does a better job.

Does your inner light shine?

I have experienced how God has changed my inner space day by day in a very unspectacular way, but somehow also completely supernaturally. When he's there, it feels so good. Just like a warm light after everything being dark.
And it starts very simple. Maybe so simple that you don't even notice a difference at first.
Make an effort to spend time with him. Talk to Jesus and let him have a say too. And if you can't hear him, don't doubt that he's still there. Maybe he's busy cleaning up your inner room. Invite him to be the light in you. He doesn't just talk of the light, but he is the light.

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will no longer wander in the dark, but will have the light of life.”
Jesus

Three steps to hearing God

/ Anita / Leave a comment

do you hear god Or are you convinced that he doesn't talk to you at all? In this blog I want to tell you: He talks more than you think! Three steps will help you hear God more again!

The background noise of your life

Have you ever noticed that at some point you no longer hear noises that are constantly around you? It often happens that you become deaf to a background noise. For example, if the noise isn't threatening or of any importance to you, it fades into the background entirely. In turn, two things, among others, will cause you to hear it again: fear or anticipation.

Many people wonder why God doesn't speak. This statement could not be more wrong.

So wie das rauschen des Meeres redet Gott ununterbrochen. Kannst du ihn hören?
Francesco Ungaro from pexels

If anyone is constantly talking, it's God!

As steady as the waves of surf, he talks to you incessantly. There isn't a moment in your life that he doesn't want to talk to you.

He keeps saying: I love you! Here, won't you have my peace within you? I want to give you love and strength for your life. Look, I want to give you hope for this hopeless situation. Come to me, I have freedom. breathe easy Look, I'll show you how beautiful life is...

God speaks. The question is: do you hear him?

And to ask more specifically: Want do you hear him? Didn't you care about his voice until now? Then it costs your attention to learn to hear God.

When I sit under my apple tree in spring when it's in bloom, I love the sound of the bees in the tree.

But I have to sit there for a while before I hear the sound more clearly. The longer I sit, the more clearly I hear them busy collecting buzz and nectar.

It's a beautiful sound - one of my favorite springtime sounds.

Hörst du Gott in den kleinen Dingen? Er umgibt dich und ist ständig am reden.
PublicDomainPictures

God's speaking is my favorite sound in life. What a beautiful sound. When he speaks, life, peace, clarity and joy emanate from him. That's who he is, he can't help but fill you with good. How the sun shines joy in our hearts on a beautiful day.

That's why I want to ask you today: Do you want to hear God again? Maybe you can still remember experiences as a child where you heard it before? You can recognize his voice by the fact that it has the following characteristics: peace, joy, hope, love, patience and inner calm, friendliness, kindness, not aggressive but gentle,...

drei Schritte um Gott zu hören: Lass ihn dein Licht sein
by Skitterphoto from Pexels

If you want to hear God again, make time for these sounds starting today. Just as I have to sit under the tree to hear the bees, sit in a nice and quiet place and invite him into your life to talk.

let him be your sun

Learn to hear God in three steps

However, it takes three steps that you should tell him and allow so that you can hear God again. Because every friendship has its conditions. A person who is friends with you, no matter how crappy you treat them, got it really wrong. It cannot be otherwise with God. So what does it take for you to be able to hear him again. I believe these three phrases are necessary and God is dying to hear them from you:

"I want to hear you again. Open my ears to you.”

"If a voice inside me says you're dead or not interested in me, I won't believe it anymore. I trust you: you want talk to me!”

"You can speak into my life. I give you the garbage in my heart that destroys and suffocates me and those around me. You can free me from that.

My house of life is now also your house of life. I trust you."

Gott hören: darf Gott in dein Haus?

Three steps to meet God

Are three steps enough to hear God? God promises. Because with these three steps you show:

humility (“I need you – please speak to me”),
Faith (“I trust you more than my doubts”) and
Devotion (“I give you my heart – you may speak into my life”)

If you've managed to make that decision, keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. Because God loves to hear from you. But even more he loves to show himself to you. He loves to tell you about Jesus, about his power that wants to live in you and about his love that wants to set you free.

wanna hear god I'm happy if you write to me.

Love to love God

Anita

The biggest problem of your marriage problems

/ Anita

The fuel that your marriage conflicts are made of

There are all kinds of problems in marriages that cause relationships to go bad. Because, of course, there are two unique people struggling with each other (or against each other).

But there is definitely one problem that everyone has. And all the other marriage problems are constantly feeding this problem.

But before I go any further, one important thing first: what I'm not including here about relationship problems are problems like abuse of power, violence, infidelity, and extreme emotional injuries, that destroys your soul. That's a topic of its own, which I definitely don't want to dismiss as a trifle.

"I'll never forgive you!"

The marriage problem I want to talk about here is not forgiving. To not forgive your partner has incredible power. If all your marriage problems could be put in a vial of poison, the problem of "not forgiving" would definitely take 80%'s place.

Was ist das groesste Problem in deiner Ehe? Wenn du deinem Partner nicht vergibst.
Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels

Maybe your relationship is threatened by problems? Then I want to encourage you to get rid of the "I don't forgive" problem first.

80/20 rule

I found that the 80/20 rule (Pareto principle) established by the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto (1848-1923) can be of help here. He found the following: To finish the first 80% of a task it takes 20% of the total energy you need to complete that task.

To reach the remaining 20%, that is, to get to 100%, you need 80% of the energy that this task takes in total. That means the last 20%, to reach the point where you can say it's perfect, will cost the most energy (four times as much!).

This is an ingenious brain teaser so that you don't get bogged down with tasks in your studies, household, job, etc. through perfectionism. But thinking a little differently, you can also apply the principle to your relationship:

If you want to start improving your relationship, it makes sense to focus on the area that takes relatively little life energie to bring the biggest impact.

Because not all problems have the same negative “impact”.

So "fixing" a constant problem between the two of you might not do much good to notice an improvement. Because as soon as this is eliminated, a new one comes marching along to takes the place of the previous problem.

For example:

  • An expensive, romantic vacation is really great and I would never consider turning down the offer.
    But: It means a huge effort of energy with uncertain outcome (does it really improve the relationship?)
  • If I keep getting annoyed that my husband doesn't wipe the table or take out the trash, I can try to "train" him to change.
    But: That means a lot of energy is required with quite questionable outcome. (I hear men don't like to be trained 😉 - of course that doesn't mean, you can't talk about everyday "problems" and grow together. But the point I want to make, is that it would be so much more effective to get rid of the constant anger first)

Those unsolvable 20% of poison in your relationship are not the main problem. The main problem is that you don't let go of this demand on your partner:

"You should be better for me! You should have been better for me!"

Forgiving: the problem solver with the greatest impact

If you want to get rid of a problem that will make a huge difference, get rid of the "I don't forgive" problem first.

Why is this area so huge? Because this problem gets its energy of all other problems and like a tick sucks them out to the last drop. It lives on the other problems.

Many people have had the idea of eliminating all problems so that this problem no longer has any fodder.

Most of the time it ends with the successful removal of the old spouse and the introduction of a new partner with whom there really is no conflict that needs forgiving.

Because there's just nothing he or she did wrong. At least until the first real conflict comes...

The fact that this problem of not forgiving has such a big impact can be good or bad news for you now. It is bad if you are not willing to learn to forgive.

But it's good when you're willing to get better at forgiving. Then you can experience how with removing only one Problem you slowly reduce most of the negative feelings that accompany all the problems in a relationship.

Tit for tat?

Your partner made a mistake or offended you? Each of these injuries presents you with a new decision: How will you deal with it? Will you hold on to the anger and be sulky for hours or maybe for days?

Every single situation is absolutely crucial! When you hold the other person's guilt firmly in your memory, you train yourself to be really bad at forgiving.

A little worse each time. After a month it's not so tragic. After ten years, it's catastrophic.

If you don't like to forgive others, you're probably not much better at forgiving yourself. How hard are you on yourself when you make a mistake?

Jesus describes unforgiveness as a prison you put yourself in.

Only Jesus can effectively help me out of this dilemma in a way that really liberates and inspires me. His death and resurrection is not just a nice story, but has real power to to change your history - if you want it. Through Jesus you can start to react in new ways when you or others fail or hurt each other.

Das größte Problem in deiner Beziehung los werden: lass los!
by geralt from Pixabay

"As God treats me, so will I treat myself and my partner"

I experienced this particularly years ago when our children were very small and I was so pissed at my husband because of an argument. With my baby in my arms I sat there so angry and I wanted to stay angry too. But I heard God's call within me: "Forgive him".

So after a while I said to God that I wanted to let go of the anger. It started with accepting that it's okay if my husband makes mistakes, and me too. God invited me to trust him. He would fight for the truth in this argument between us. He would fight for us . I knew he would do that, so I opened my heart for God to move in me, which I had done so many times.

Vergeben bedeutet Frieden finden

On this day, however, the contrast was so incredibly strong for me. Maybe because I was holding a little baby in my arms, lying there peacefully. And inside me there was raging anger. But after that conversation with God, my anger completely dissolved and I was at peace. I still resolved the dispute with my husband. but how I went into the conversation had completely changed.

To forgive means to be free!

In other situations I didn't always feel it so blatantly. But this experience motivated me incredibly to trust and follow the God who wants to give me peace.

And over the years I've gotten better at forgiving faster. Of course, this doesn't always work out so well. And for me, time with God is the most important thing. I have to run to him when my heart hurts because someone hurt me. And then he heals that pain. That's who he is. And that's what he promised.

Because that is his character: He is a God who sees my weaknesses and is happy to forgive me. If I want his forgiveness.

But that's why I like being with him so much. Because I know no matter what: He doesn't blame me about my mistakes. But he encourages and empowers me to change with the inner strength he gives. This Strength makes it possible for me to change.

That's how he is. And that's how I can treat myself and my partner.

So how can you practically deal with the weaknesses of your partner or those around you?

Love yourself as God loves you

One of the most famous verses in the Bible reads: God loved you so much that he in Jesus came into the world for you, so that if you believe in him you will live forever and be free (Jn 3:16 ).

God's love is the source. When his love for you doesn't become a reality, forgiveness becomes difficult. He has to show you his love and you have to experience it in order for something to change.

So: Are you a person who has understood that you have to eat every day to stay alive? Then also take time to feed your heart with God's love for you daily. Here's how it works: Invite him to show you today who he is and how he loves you. And ask him to show you how to forgive.

Deine Beziehung braucht Nahrung genau wie dein Körper. Gott will deine Nahrung sein
by Nadin Sh from Pexels

Take time to read the Bible. Make some space in your everyday life for God. Just like you make room in your daily schedule to eat and drink. This is also the reason why to pray before meals. with that prayer you're saying, "God, my heart needs you like my body needs food."

God just loves you so much and is so happy to help you when you come to him. His power can do what yours can't. And then the next step can come:

love your neighbor as yourself

God has no problem with you and your partner being limited and making mistakes. But he has a problem with you pretending that your guilt and your partner's guilt aren't a problem. Guilt is a problem and it must be taken to God. Because only he can properly dispose of this "hazardous waste".

Are you and your partner too different? The problem here is not your difference. The problem is that you don't forgive your partner for being so different.

When your partner hurts or upsets you, turn to God and trust Him. Give him the guilt, anger and pain. He will fight for you. You may not notice a huge difference every day or so. But after a time you will look back with certainty and say: With God I prevented a catastrophe!

God is serious

"Be merciful, as your father is merciful . And do not judge, so that you will not be judged either” (Luke 6:36f).

God takes the problem of unforgiving seriously. He cares about your heart. Is there anything that can keep you from God's forgiveness? Yes, if you don't forgive others. Jesus was extremely clear on that.

das Größte Problem deiner Eheprobleme: dein Herz ist es wert dass du vergeben lernst.
by towfiqu barbhuiya

Your heart is so valuable so its worth it to forgive others and yourself! You may be wondering why God is so harsh when it comes to forgiving?

Well, the whole thing about dying on the cross was focused on one thing: that God forgives you and stays true even though you don't deserve it.

This is the great message of every single Christian: “I am a sinner and God has forgiven me! He made me righteous!” And your marriage should also express this: I love my partner and remain faithful to him, even if he doesn't always deserve it.

Your heart will never heal if you cheat your way around this topic.

If you are a Christian and that is not your message, then I would advise you to reconsider your faith. Perhaps in forgiving you will discover what you have been missing all these years.

If you are not a Christian then become one! Jesus is the best thing that will ever happen to you because his love is incomparable.

Not forgiven: the biggest problem?

So is the biggest problem in your relationship really not forgiving? Of course I don't see your relationship and I don't know what has already happened. But I do know one thing: my love for my husband shrinks rapidly when I start to hold grudges and blame him (internally or verbally).

Not forgiving is and remains one of the greatest problems facing humanity.

Of course, forgiving doesn't make all other problems in your marriage go away at once. But their negative power will definitely be reduced.

God wants to heal relationships. He loves your marriage. He loves you and has hope for you.

Anita

Love Your Marriage

The Lost Sheep

/ Anita / 1 Comment

how God finds you when you are not looking for him

Luke 15:3-7 Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and one of them loses it. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the steppe and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully takes it on his shoulders and carries it home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says to them: 'Rejoice with me! I have found the sheep that was lost to me.' I tell you, in the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who need not repent."

Das verlorene Schaf - Wie Gott dich findet während du ihn nicht suchst.
Photo by kailash kumar on Pexels

Get a children's book. It is often described very beautifully how the sheep goes in search of happiness in the wide world.

Prayer - agony or source?

/ Anita

How your prayers can become sourceful instead of tiring

My grandparents were Christians with heart and soul and so faith was always an important part of family celebrations. And always in the evening, just when us kids were having the greatest time of our lives, our parents called us to end the evening with a family prayer time.

And boy, my grandfather prayed. With all his heart... and very long. And I know how I thought about it as a child: What an infinite waste of time! How incredibly well could we have spent those last 45 minutes! (maybe it was only 15 minutes? Time just doesn't pass fast enough when you're bored...) Well, as a child I underestimated what was and is a huge blessing in my life: the prayers of my grandparents and parents.

Betende Hände
By sabinevanerp from Pixabay

But now I'm an adult and I know one thing: even as an adult I find some prayer meetings incredibly tiring. And I know that so many adults probably find prayer just as tiring. So tiring they got rid of it altogether.

But maybe in you too there is still a spark that thinks: it still would be good if I knew how to get in touch with God...

Prayer as an agonizing duty

Ist Gebet für dich so anziehend wie eine lästige Pflicht?
By Giuliamar from Pixabay

The appeal of prayer seems to me comparable to that of brushing your teeth: it's a chore. You might find something else tedious - for me it's brushing my teeth (especially flossing). I love brushed teeth, get the point why to do it and absolutely hate it when my teeth aren't brushed. But I'm not enthusiastic about how to get there.

The situation got worse about 14 years ago. I no longer just had to brush my own 30 teeth. No, now there were up to four children, with more and more teeth every year!

Then at some point the dentist told us to floss our kids' teeth every day. I guess you notice: Not a fan.

What on earth was God thinking when it came to prayer? Is this really how it has to be? A painful duty? Or could it be that I misunderstand prayer and therefore experience it that way? What lies are there that are so effective in preventing me, and perhaps you, from actually meeting God Himself? As Johannes Hartl once said: The God who created a breathtaking, fascinating world in the most creative way cannot possibly be an absolute bore.

A god who longs for you?

One of the many things Jesus talked about was prayer. At one point he talked about it to a woman at a well. This woman probably didn't avoid the midday heat to fetch her water so that she could avoid meeting the other women.

The woman is from Samaria. Jesus is a Jew. He asks her to give him water. The Jews of that time were so set on not socializing with Samaritans that they didn't even want to travel through their country.

Her reaction to his request is almost shocked: "How is it possible that you, as a Jew, "get so low" as to ask me for water? Me, a Samaritan and a woman as well?” Because the status of women was a little different then than it is today in our culture.

The Chosen
Scene from The Chosen www.the-chosen.net

Jesus replies, “If you knew how low I got, you would ask me to give you to drink. And then I would give you water that has the power of life in it... This water from the well cannot permanently quench your thirst. You'll keep coming back here for more...

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. But the water that I give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” (John 4:14).

Prayer is like drinking from a fountain.

The whole thing sounds like something out of a Marvel movie. True. But try to hear what Jesus is saying: He creates an inner source in you that causes you to become alive: alive in a way different than just living. And this inner source also causes your grave to not be the end of you, but rather a door you walk through.

Sounds fictional? Well, maybe the Marvel Comics are inspired by thoughts from the Bible rather than the Bible being inspired by Marvel 😉.

Theres this saying that someones barking up the wrong tree. Like a dog, who thinks the delicious cat (?) is up in the tree, when really shes three trees to the left.

When it comes to prayer or contacting God, there are really a lot of these wrong trees to bark up. They look (partially) like the right tree, but the price is not up there. You then experience this disappointing prayer life spiritual journey.

Do any of the following thoughts sound familiar?

You really should:

  • … show God how serious you are!
  • ... be a better person so that he hears you!
  • ... get into certain meditational positions to open yourself up.
  • ... break the bond of inherited sin and cleanse yourself, your house... . Darkness lies in your past - that prevents God from showing himself to you...
  • … meditate, pray certain mantras.
  • ... improve the feng shui in your apartment.
  • … go to a Buddhist monastery to experience God.
  • ...

What are your own thoughts on what you need to do to reach God? These are wrong trees to bark up.

Der echte Weg zu Gott durch Jesus. Gebet bedeutet Gott zum Gespräch einladen
by Tama66 pixabay

But there is also the right tree in the endless forest of trees that promise to lead to God. And he is fighting for you to find him!

"I must" becomes "God gives"

One of my daughters was extremely stubborn and temperamental as a young child. No one was as happy as she could be happy - and no one got mad the way she did. The urge to do everything by herself and get it right the first time was so extremely strong. At some point I could only shake my head and laugh at these regular fits of rage.

We caught a situation on vacation on video. As far as I remember we disturbed her groove because we were doing something for , that she actually wanted to do by herself. So she raged and jumped in a parking lot in England until she was completely exhausted. I wanted to help her out of the situation. But she wanted nothing but time to be turned back, so she could finished what she'd started.

She couldn't accept this:

"There are just things that you can't do on your own and you can't do them perfectly either. Just admit it: you need my help and that's not as bad as you think!"

Is God allowed to help you?

I believe that with God I am often like a raging child that wants to do everything on its own.

The hardest thing I ever had to learn from God is this: stop trying to achieve something with him out of my human strength. And this is still my tendency:

Trying to be good, persuading him to do everything right, praying that something will happen. Not doubting, having faith that moves mountains. Producing peace, hope and a positive attitude. And above all: REACHING HIM.

Pride versus humility - autonomy versus dependence

Is there a sacrifice God asks of you? Yes. You have to sacrifice your pride and stubbornness in wanting to do everything yourself. But also the burden of having to manage everything by yourself. And the false belief that you can actually do it.

Everyone has their own life story. You have your very own experiences and you may have discovered your own trees you barked up to reach God.

Most of the time, these trees have one thing in common: you as a human being have to clime that tree to reach God or get him to move down the tree. But he moves around and in you and meets with you because this room - not because you have finally managed to reach him through your willpower.

Can you accept that? This is your contribution. Trust is an important other word for faith.

Do you think you need him to save you? And do you think he's trying to meet you right now? That means trusting God.

Gebet: die Türe zu Gottes Herz
By Ramon Clemente from Pexels

You cannot create encounters with God. But you can shut out God. Or you can be open for him. “Jesus, I want to meet you. But I don't know how to. Help me!"

Jesus answers! "Don't you notice that I'm standing in front of the door and knocking? If anyone hears my voice and opens the door for me, I will enter and we will eat together, I with him and he with me” (Rev 3:20).

You determine how your relationship with him goes

Prayer means communicating and spending time with God. 

If I really want to spend time with my husband and understand him, there is only one way: conversation. We can do many other things. But they will never achieve what a conversation can.

As a married couple, we could just focus on "speaking" each other's love language in some way. But if we don't fight for honest - and sometimes exhausting - communication, then something crucial is missing.
So, intentional time with God is so crucial for your relationship with Him.

And in a relationship with a human being or in your relationship with God, there have to be words. Us humans are unique among all living beings in this respect.

Only through God's words do you get to know him. And it is only through your words - whether out loud or in your mind - that you allow God to get to know you.

That's fascinating: God allows you to separate yourself from him. You decide whether you invite him into your life, although he could easily overpower you. And when you invite him into your life, you still decide which areas you let him into.

Imagine your life is a house with many rooms. With many people God is allowed in, but no further than into the hallway. How is it with you? Is he allowed to enter the room of your addictions? your anger at someone? your greed for money? Your sadness… You have infinite areas within you that you can “hide” from God. But he wants to meet you in the dirt of your life and is not afraid to get his feet dirty. By telling him that you want him in that room, you give him access. Don't leave Jesus standing in the hallway.

by Max Vakhtbovych

Your prayer: good or bad culture of conversing?

You may be wondering how exactly talking with God works? Just like talking to a human? Yes and no. Because conversations with a fellow human being can go completely wrong and be one-sided: for example, if your counterpart talks constantly and never listens. Or even worse: never truly sharing and still not really listen. That kills every relationship. Even if nobody notices it from the outside.

You can share hundreds of pieces of information every day about things you want your partner to do, or better yet, what he did wrong. Or what's going on with the kids. The latest gossip from the neighborhood. What needs to be done at home. But deep down you know, "My partner doesn't really know who I really am or what it really looks like inside of me."  

Such communication also makes prayer tiring. Informing God about what he should change in the world.

A young Christian recently said to me: He wants to pray more, but at some point he just doesn't know what to say anymore. Yes, what is there left to say after you informed him of everything he should fix? Repeat it all again from the beginning? Maybe with a little more passion this time?

Giving God a to-do list is tiring. Because actually, what your heart really desperately hungers for is to experience him being there with you. Maybe you often don't realize that. But the hunger for beautiful experiences that make you feel alive is burried deep in your DNA! And I'm sure: you too are going through a lot of trouble to satisfy this hunger. And many of these things are lovely. But meeting him complements you. So, start meeting him so that you become whole inside.

Another point that makes prayer very tiring is the wrong assumption: I have to change in order to experience God.

This belief, or rather this lie, keeps you all your life from both, meeting God and experiencing inner transformation and liberation.

Your decision - his power

Communion with God is primarily possible because of one person: God Himself standing at your inner door, knocking politely, and waiting for you to let Him in. And then he comes in. Thats it.

That's why I want to ask you this question: Is Jesus allowed to enter into your heart and life? Is Jesus allowed to see the truth about you and address things? And can he love you?

Gott klopft an dein Herz an und fragt dich: willst du mir gehören?
By Gabby K from Pexels

God is passionately interested in you. He makes it possible for you to hear from him and experience his peace.

Your contribution is to open your heart and give it to him. He's already chosen you. The question is: do you choose him?

God loves it when you seek him. But most of all, he loves it when you find him.

I look forward to hearing if I can help you on this journey.

Anita

Happy relationship? Invest in these 7 steps

/ Anita / 1 Comment
Glückliche Beziehung? Investiere 7 Schritte

In seven days to a happier marriage?

Okay, that's a steep claim: A happier marriage in just 7 days. A week whizzes by in fast motion as I feel like I'm moving in slo-mo. So what can I get done in a week? ...let alone change!?

One week - little amount of time, but an incredible amount can change in just seven days. Every day has potential for something new: good and bad. And let's be honest: it only takes a couple of minutes to end up in a masiv argument...

So: nothing will be perfect in a week (not even in a century). But seven days can become seven steps that can make your relationship a bit happier.

Your "I" from the past can help you to rediscover something: How did you manage to fall in love with your partner in the first place?

At the Registry office

At our civil wedding in 2004, the registrar expressed such a stupid wish for us that it stuck with me: "I hope that your marriage will be like a walk on a beach where the sun always shines and that there'll never be a stormy day .” I don't remember anything else from the speech, apart from this wish.

Utopia is more realistic than that wish! If that were my expectation of my marriage, I wouldn't have had to wait long for the first thunderstorm. And the shock of this thunderstorm is greater, the more exaggerated the expectations towards my relationship are.

Maybe that's the reason why you're asking yourself whether it makes (or made) any sense to get married at all, if sooner or later it's going to break anyway and everything's screwed up?

That's why I want to tell you today: your marriage is much tougher than you might think. A lot can be healed again without your relationship having to break up. And there are some things you can do to make your marriage or relationship weatherproof.

Poorly or poorly maintained?

If you think of your relationship as poorly, it's usually more accurate to say, "My marriage is poorly maintained' - poorly maintained by you, your partner, or both of you. This difference is really important. After all, simply “making your relationship good” in an unhappy marriage might seem difficult. But to take better care of a poorly maintained relationship is something everyone can do! And that has an effect.

The headline deliberately says "happier". The word "happy" is way too static, as if there is one condition a in this world that describes a happy relationship. But the happiest marriage suddenly becomes sad when one or both partners make decisions that hurt the relationship. And a poor marriage can suddenly feel happier when one or both make positive changes.

Happy Relationship: Invest in 7 Steps in the Right Direction!

These following 7 points are like a compass for me in my marriage. When things get a little difficult between my husband and me, I think, alright, which area of our relationship is being neglected right now? And then I or we refocus. Because like with a compass, simply the rough direction has to be right. Staying 100% on course would be terribly tedious and an unnecessary waste of energy. Our relationships are not that delicate.

7 Tage um deine Ehe wieder richtig auszurichen
Photo by Bakr Magrabi on Pexels.com

7 Things You Can Learn From Your Former Loved One

I hope that these seven tips can also help you and your relationship. Are 7 points too much for you? No problem! The former "you" that once was in love knows how to do it! Just remember: what were you like when you fell in love with your partner? One who is madly in love knows how "love" works. Being in love seems like a tutorial from God programmed into our DNA: "Loving for Dummies!", as if he says: "Now I'll show you how it works with love, and then you can carry on yourself". A starter set for loving, so to speak.

7 tips for staying in love:

1. Don't judge your partner for not being perfect (for you). Neither are you.

Lovers are only too good at this: ignoring each other's weaknesses... sometimes against all reason.
Relationship researcher John Gottman describes contempt as the absolute destroyer of love. When he observes contempt in a marriage, he doesn't give the relationship much hope.

If feelings of contempt were a plant, then condemnation or judging is its root. For most roots, cutting off the leaves is of little use. Then new ones grow. The root has to come out.

Judging is easy:
You see your partner's weaknesses and don't understand them.

"I just can't understand why you're like that. I wouldn't be as stupid as you if I were you. And you have no excuse for being like this.” That, I would say, is the essence of judging someone.

With understanding you would say: “That is a problem in you. But I love you anyway."

This is why judgment is so destructive: the more you criticize your partner without understanding, the more you will only see the bad and what he or she is doing wrong.

Verurteilen zerstört deine Ehe bombensicher. Vergeben heilt
By Wendelin Jacober from Pexels

If you plan to destroy your marriage, do it with judgment! Judgment has a 100% success guarantee. Judgment kills any feeling of love you have for your partner; and in time his love for you will die too.

But change is possible. The solution, however, is not to simply stop saying anything critical. It's more about your thinking. Take some time today to think about what you criticize about your partner.

And this time, take a critical look at yourself! Are you perfect that you have the right to judge your partner? If your answer is "yes," then it's actually "no." Because a "perfect" 😉 person knows that they are not perfect and do not have the right to judge the people around them.

And then take your inner compass and turn from "I judge my partner" to "I don't want to judge my partner anymore".

2. Talks about everything

Don't judge, but still talk. Without taboos. But the basic attitude is important: "We don't fight each other", but: "We fight side by side against our problem!" I find the muzzle for conversations quite exhausting. Don't say: "...", but say it like this: "...". In conversations with my husband (or even with good friends), I don't want to constantly pay attention to every word I say, so that I don't say anything wrong.

The basic setting in your heart is the key. You can say everything correctly with this "mr.-perfect-language" and have a crappy inner attitude. So you are unassailable, because you didn't say anything wrong. But that doesn't get anyone anywhere. We need honest conversations.

Show your heart and be honest - also to yourself. But with a huge portion of mercy for the other - and also for yourself... without judgment, but with a heart that wants to find a good solution for both of you. Because it's not about you just getting your will. You will be happy if you and your partner are happy with the outcome of a conversation.

Conversations with my husband are at their best when I'm no longer angry. When I had time to think a bit and figure out what the or my problem is. Of course, that doesn't always work. But it makes sense to get comfortabe while we argue. Why not have a glass of wine or a cup of tea or coffee while you're at it? Life is too short to argue without celebrating. 😉

Glückliche Beziehung? Investiere 7 Schritte: zeit zu zweit
By cottonbro from pexels

3. Have purposeless time together

Lovers know one thing to do: spend as much time as possible with each other. At all (im)possible times. Like running a WhatsApp call through the night while you sleep. Back then you knew what was important to get closer and get to know each other.

Then life happens. And there is a great danger of forgetting:

It is still important to spend enough free time together,
to stay close to each other and not forget who the other is.
You need time to still know each other come next month.

And the time in which you organize, tidy up, work, solve problems... doesn't count.

When you book an expensive vacation where you end up having to non stop work in the hotel kitchen, you feel screwed. The love between you also feels screwed when the time it takes for your love to stay alive is filled with only stress and work.

Learn from your former "you" that was in love . Within yourself lies the guide to staying happy and in love.

Sometimes free time is difficult to find or sometimes even impossible. Of course that's okay. But if "no time" becomes the new way of living, your marriage might suffer. If your marriage is a ship, then its harbour is free time spent together.

It doesn't end well when a ship just keeps sailing on without time for repairs. The sentence "It just wasn't possible to spend free time together" has a bitter echo when you have to watch the ship sink into the depths of the ocean. But the good thing is: the port is only one decision away.

Haven't you had a relaxing time together for a long time? Get started this week! In the beginning it probably doesn't feel very relaxed. But over time it gets nicer. Just don't give up. My husband and me consider one or two evenings a week (or a few hours during the day if evenings are not possible) to be the minimum.

4. Love humor - avoid cynicism

Glückliche Beziehung? Investiere 7 Schritte
By Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

Humor is a divine superpower. Maybe I'm a bit biased as I love humor and have an extremely humorous husband (now also two sometimes overly humorous teenagers...). But humor is like medicine to take life easier. There is so much difficulty in the world and in one's own life. But humor makes things so much easier.

Humor is a person's attitude
who rises above his problems like a warrior and still laughs.

The opposite is persistent "dead seriousness" or cynical remarks about each other's weaknesses. A warrior's attitude is what enables you to stand up and change your situation. Nevertheless, I can't just laugh easily when it tears me apart inside.

Personally, the only way I can do it is: I invite God into the situation that is bothering me. When I make room for God in my mind, it's like He's saying, “Hey, it's not that bad. I'll make things better!"

This phrase above your marriage has a lot of power; especially when you hear it from God's mouth. Then, little by little, the seriousness of a bad argument dissolves and you can still laugh.

Maybe you know other ways. But it is logical to turn to God. He is the inventor of beautiful, liberating humor.

5. Be honest

Honesty is such a thing. I wish the seller would be honest with me. My partner and my children should also be honest with me. But when push comes to shove, one thing applies: I treat myself to a little white lie every now and then. Does that apply to you? Then I want to tell you:

It really makes sense to align your inner compass with honesty! Because: Small dishonesties mean that your partner can never be sure what else is not true between you. For:

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That's a very simple saying with incredible truth. In any relationship, the foundation of trust is lost without honesty.

But it doesn't stop there when your partner can no longer trust your words.

Lies and secrets simmer in your heart and take your breath away. Because the question remains: "Will everything be over when this gets out?" You could swallow a small dose of poison every day and probably live healthier than with secrets and dishonesty.

But what if a big pile of lies has already piled up?

Perhaps it is impossible to bring everything out in the open. But this one thing a everyone can do: Starting today, set your inner compass to honesty! "I want to be a (loving!) honest partner." And you can ask God to help you bring the truth to light.

Another problem with little white lies is that if I don't try to be honest in unimportant situations, I will be tempted to lie in important moments too.

The other day my husband asked where his old slippers had gone. I'm not sure, but it's possible I threw them away. Because I remember that: They were definitely ready for the bin.

Now I had to make a decision. Do I just say, “I have no idea where you put them?” Or do I tell the truth, “I don't know for sure. But I may have thrown them away.” Well. With being honest I was off worse.

On the outside this seems like a pretty small thing - but on the inside it's not: I've gotten a little bit better at telling the truth, even when it's uncomfortable or embarrassing.

I hear one sentence more often when it comes to lying: "I'm not harming anyone with it". Yes, sometimes that might be true. But in doing so, you forget someone you always harm: yourself. lying changes you, a little tiny bit every time without you noticing. And it doesn't take long until the difference between truth and lie gets blurry.

Us humans are quite good at that – fooling ourselves. A powerful antidote to self-deception is truth. I heard a great saying the other day: "Sow a thought and you will reap an act, sow an act and you will reap a habit, sow a habit and you will reap a destiny."

6. Be faithful

A relationship without absolute faithfulness is like bungee jumping without a rope... There's just something missing. Yes, you have quite a bit of freedom if you allow yourself to be unfaithful, but the freedom doesn't last long. Pretty soon you hit the ground and what once was your family is now broken.

Even if you stay married, it's hard to pick up what's left of the relationship and enjoy it.
Still, it's not impossible to recover from a broken relationship. But it is extremely hard and the price is very high.

Glückliche Beziehung? Investiere 7 Schritte: Treue ist einer der 7 Schritte
By geralt from Pixabay

My loyalty to my husband and his to me begins with censoring my and his thoughts: Which mental cinema do I allow myself? What am I looking at? Pornography and fantasies about other partners are the beginning of infidelity. This is a door opener that only waits for one thing: the right opportunity to knock.

Personally, I don't get involved in friendships with other men and private meetings. My husband is my best friend. We see that as good protection. An infidelity doesn't happen overnight, but gradually over months by allowing another person to take my partner's place. Well, that's how we do it. ;-)

7. Make intimacy a priority

Imagine a room. This space is your relationship. The way you live relationship sets the temperature in that space, just like a thermostat. Is it hot? Or so cold that you can scratch off the ice from the inside of the window? Or is the temperature set in a way that both feel really comfortable in this room? If no one cares about the temperature, it will automatically become too cold (or too hot).

the intimacy in your relationship is in this comparision more like a thermometer. In bed you find out how your relationship is going. For a period of time, you or your partner can ignore or keep a bad "temperature" between you a secret. But sooner or later it becomes clear that something is wrong.

I've found that it's usually like this (with exceptions, of course): women have to feel loved in order to want intimacy. Men, on the other hand, feel loved when they have physical intimacy. This can quickly become a vicious circle.
Especially when the relationship is burdened by circumstances. But it doesn't have to.

The important thing is that both must try to take care of a well-adjusted temperature.
If it is important to you and your partner to give love to the other and not just expect love, it can work out well. If one only expects and the other only gives, then things will not go well in the long run.

Fulfilled intimacy means that both partners enjoy each other. In marriage you carry each other. In intimacy, you celebrates carrying and bearing eachother.

As soon as one partner feels unhappy in the relationship (rightly or wrongly), the "temperature of intimacy" gets too cold or too hot: Then you have to take care of the relationship again to set things "right".

Sometimes that means talking, "How do I feel about you? How do you think about me? Are we comfortable in our marriage? Do you despise me or do I despise you? Are you interested in my thoughts and feelings? And am I interested in yours?” Contempt and disinterest are guaranteed to put you in a bad mood in bed.

Whatever the conflict, you carry it to bed with you.

Or it's again time to spend more relaxed freetime together.

In any case, there is no point in expecting a good "temperature" between you without setting the temperature for it. If the mood is minus 10 °C, it doesn't do much to tap on the thermometer and pretend it's warm.

But it really helps to talk about the climate: "I can't be intimat precisely because of these reasons (...). But I understand you need this. What can we do that makes it feel right for both of us at the end of the day?”

The decisive factor here is again: if something in your relationship is to be changed to the better, your fight must not be directed against your partner. Decide today to change your point of view: instead of against your partner, stand next to him to fight side by side against the problem that divides you.

Glückliche Beziehung? Investiere 7 Schritte

Happy Relationship in 7 Steps - Invest in Today your happier marriage:

Take time for change! Your happy relationship takes time!

Admittedly, good changes in a relationship take more than just seven days. But at the same time it's amazing what you can break in seven days.

Seven days of fighting and all you hope might be gone where before you were quite happy. In seven days, however, some things may be healed again, or at least better.

Seven days or seven steps:

  1. Don't judge your partner - neither of you are perfect.
  2. Talk about everything like a team, not enemies.
  3. Spend free time together more than once or twice a week (although it may be hard at first - you've enjoyed it before. You'll enjoy it again!)
  4. Enjoy laughing together – also about your weaknesses. Humor says: It's okay, I love you anyway! But avoid cynicism.
  5. Be unconditionally honest - set your heart on being honest.
  6. Be unconditionally faithful - inwardly align yourself with absolute faithfulness.
  7. Consciously take time for intimacy - or time to improve the climate between you.

Which of these points is important to you and your relationship? Are there any points that you would like to change? start today

Anita

Love Your Marriage

getting in touch with god?

/ Anita

How getting in touch with God begins

When I planted onions this year, I was really amazed at how easy onions start to take root. All it took was for that dry little bulb to touch moist soil. And boom, two days later the first roots were starting to grow. Just the gentle touch of the earth is enough to set of a complicated process.

What if you were created with a similar ability? With the ability to touch God and that from that touch, just like with the onion, something starts to grow inside you?

You don't have to rub your body with earth (even though that's definitely healthy and can be really beneficial;-) ) or walk barefoot from now on (even though we don't walk barefoot much enough) to be connected to the energy of the earth.

Gott berühren -wie du bei Gott Wurzeln schlägst
Photo by Los Muertos Crew on Pexels

No. Getting in touch with God is easy. And with him it works like this: we simply think it in our hearts and then say it to him – loudly or quietly: “I want you as my earth! I wish to be in contact with you”. Making this decision in your heart is important. Because we can say a lot, but not mean it seriously.

When this happens in your heart on a daily basis, something can begin to grow. Daily might sound exhausting to you now? I will try to explain why.

Planting good habits

I love gardening and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that it doesn't do a plant any good to dig it up every other day and leave it lying in the sun. The next day you plant it back into the soil. But by then the damage is done. No matter how good the soil is, no matter how much water you give it when you plant it, the plant will have a very hard time! Even if the plant does survive this constant procedure, it will quite definitely not turn out to be a remotely healthy plant.

You are like this plant and God is like your earth who gives you life and strength. That's why it makes sense to open your heart to God every day. Not because he needs you, but because you need him.

You often only notice its influence when it is absent. If you live uprooted, there are consequences. Sun and storm damage a plant much more when it is uprooted. Stress, bad events, fears, arguments, etc. do you much more harm when you live uprooted from God.

Every day that you don't care if he is with you has consequences: you have found no shelter and no nourishment with him. Among other things, His nourishment looks like this: He wants to give you love, joy, hope, peace - in the middle of a storm -, patience, perseverance, kindness, self-control. This is the God as the Bible describes him.

I used to wonder a lot why God feels so far away. I think it's like that for a lot of people every day. One reason - but not the only one! – is: I don't take the time every day to cultivate my relationship with this incredibly great God who loves me. And that because I don't view myself as dependent to him like a plant is to the soil.

If your relationship with Him is like a plant that is left unattended, is it any wonder that your prayers feel tedious and nothing "comes across" from God? Not surprisingly, then, the emergency planting trip feels more like stress to you. Incidentally, this also applies to all love relationships between two people.

But God would not be God if that overwhelmed him. He knows you. And unlike a plant, he still protects you even when you're not thinking about it.

den Gott berühren der sich wie ein Hirte kümmert
Photo by kailash kumar on Pexels

Jesus says of himself that he is like a shepherd. He seeks the lost sheep and worries about it. And in this story the sheep thinks of real everything, except of the good shepherds.

You can find this little story here:

Luke 15:4-7

Touching God - What it means to believe in God

It doesn't matter if you don't think about him all the time. But if you don't give a damn about God or what he thinks in your every day life then it's going to have a very big impact on your life.

I am convinced: it is very easy to touch God every day.

And it's not tiring. But with that God with you, it takes two things:

First, that you trust him: "you I can and want to get in touch with me."

Do you actually know that he really loves you passionately?

Second, that you accept: "I need you, God to come alive." Of course, you then first have to realize this: "I'm kind of as dead inside as an onion without soil, if you don't touch my heart.

Can you belive that?

"With you, God, is the source of my life, and in your light I see light" (Psalm 36:10).

I hope that today will be a day for you to get back in touch with him. Have a great day,

Anita