How your prayers can become sourceful instead of tiring

My grandparents were Christians with heart and soul and so faith was always an important part of family celebrations. And always in the evening, just when us kids were having the greatest time of our lives, our parents called us to end the evening with a family prayer time.

And boy, my grandfather prayed. With all his heart... and very long. And I know how I thought about it as a child: What an infinite waste of time! How incredibly well could we have spent those last 45 minutes! (maybe it was only 15 minutes? Time just doesn't pass fast enough when you're bored...) Well, as a child I underestimated what was and is a huge blessing in my life: the prayers of my grandparents and parents.

But now I'm an adult and I know one thing: even as an adult I find some prayer meetings incredibly tiring. And I know that so many adults probably find prayer just as tiring. So tiring they got rid of it altogether.

But maybe in you too there is still a spark that thinks: it still would be good if I knew how to get in touch with God...

Prayer as an agonizing duty

The appeal of prayer seems to me comparable to that of brushing your teeth: it's a chore. You might find something else tedious - for me it's brushing my teeth (especially flossing). I love brushed teeth, get the point why to do it and absolutely hate it when my teeth aren't brushed. But I'm not enthusiastic about how to get there.

The situation got worse about 14 years ago. I no longer just had to brush my own 30 teeth. No, now there were up to four children, with more and more teeth every year!

Then at some point the dentist told us to floss our kids' teeth every day. I guess you notice: Not a fan.

What on earth was God thinking when it came to prayer? Is this really how it has to be? A painful duty? Or could it be that I misunderstand prayer and therefore experience it that way? What lies are there that are so effective in preventing me, and perhaps you, from actually meeting God Himself? As Johannes Hartl once said: The God who created a breathtaking, fascinating world in the most creative way cannot possibly be an absolute bore.

A god who longs for you?

One of the many things Jesus talked about was prayer. At one point he talked about it to a woman at a well. This woman probably didn't avoid the midday heat to fetch her water so that she could avoid meeting the other women.

The woman is from Samaria. Jesus is a Jew. He asks her to give him water. The Jews of that time were so set on not socializing with Samaritans that they didn't even want to travel through their country.

Her reaction to his request is almost shocked: "How is it possible that you, as a Jew, "get so low" as to ask me for water? Me, a Samaritan and a woman as well?” Because the status of women was a little different then than it is today in our culture.

Jesus replies, “If you knew how low I got, you would ask me to give you to drink. And then I would give you water that has the power of life in it... This water from the well cannot permanently quench your thirst. You'll keep coming back here for more...

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. But the water that I give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” (John 4:14).

Prayer is like drinking from a fountain.

The whole thing sounds like something out of a Marvel movie. True. But try to hear what Jesus is saying: He creates an inner source in you that causes you to become alive: alive in a way different than just living. And this inner source also causes your grave to not be the end of you, but rather a door you walk through.

Sounds fictional? Well, maybe the Marvel Comics are inspired by thoughts from the Bible rather than the Bible being inspired by Marvel 😉.

Theres this saying that someones barking up the wrong tree. Like a dog, who thinks the delicious cat (?) is up in the tree, when really shes three trees to the left.

When it comes to prayer or contacting God, there are really a lot of these wrong trees to bark up. They look (partially) like the right tree, but the price is not up there. You then experience this disappointing prayer life spiritual journey.

Do any of the following thoughts sound familiar?

You really should:

• … show God how serious you are!
• ... be a better person so that he hears you!
• ... get into certain meditational positions to open yourself up.
• ... break the bond of inherited sin and cleanse yourself, your house... . Darkness lies in your past - that prevents God from showing himself to you...
• … meditate, pray certain mantras.
• ... improve the feng shui in your apartment.
• … go to a Buddhist monastery to experience God.
• ...

What are your own thoughts on what you need to do to reach God? These are wrong trees to bark up.

But there is also the right tree in the endless forest of trees that promise to lead to God. And he is fighting for you to find him!

"I must" becomes "God gives"

One of my daughters was extremely stubborn and temperamental as a young child. No one was as happy as she could be happy - and no one got mad the way she did. The urge to do everything by herself and get it right the first time was so extremely strong. At some point I could only shake my head and laugh at these regular fits of rage.

We caught a situation on vacation on video. As far as I remember we disturbed her groove because we were doing something for , that she actually wanted to do by herself. So she raged and jumped in a parking lot in England until she was completely exhausted. I wanted to help her out of the situation. But she wanted nothing but time to be turned back, so she could finished what she'd started.

She couldn't accept this:

"There are just things that you can't do on your own and you can't do them perfectly either. Just admit it: you need my help and that's not as bad as you think!"

Is God allowed to help you?

I believe that with God I am often like a raging child that wants to do everything on its own.

The hardest thing I ever had to learn from God is this: stop trying to achieve something with him out of my human strength. And this is still my tendency:

Trying to be good, persuading him to do everything right, praying that something will happen. Not doubting, having faith that moves mountains. Producing peace, hope and a positive attitude. And above all: REACHING HIM.

Pride versus humility - autonomy versus dependence

Is there a sacrifice God asks of you? Yes. You have to sacrifice your pride and stubbornness in wanting to do everything yourself. But also the burden of having to manage everything by yourself. And the false belief that you can actually do it.

Everyone has their own life story. You have your very own experiences and you may have discovered your own trees you barked up to reach God.

Most of the time, these trees have one thing in common: you as a human being have to clime that tree to reach God or get him to move down the tree. But he moves around and in you and meets with you because this room - not because you have finally managed to reach him through your willpower.

Can you accept that? This is your contribution. Trust is an important other word for faith.

Do you think you need him to save you? And do you think he's trying to meet you right now? That means trusting God.

You cannot create encounters with God. But you can shut out God. Or you can be open for him. “Jesus, I want to meet you. But I don't know how to. Help me!"

Jesus answers! "Don't you notice that I'm standing in front of the door and knocking? If anyone hears my voice and opens the door for me, I will enter and we will eat together, I with him and he with me” (Rev 3:20).

You determine how your relationship with him goes

Prayer means communicating and spending time with God. 

If I really want to spend time with my husband and understand him, there is only one way: conversation. We can do many other things. But they will never achieve what a conversation can.

As a married couple, we could just focus on "speaking" each other's love language in some way. But if we don't fight for honest - and sometimes exhausting - communication, then something crucial is missing.
So, intentional time with God is so crucial for your relationship with Him.

And in a relationship with a human being or in your relationship with God, there have to be words. Us humans are unique among all living beings in this respect.

Only through God's words do you get to know him. And it is only through your words - whether out loud or in your mind - that you allow God to get to know you.

That's fascinating: God allows you to separate yourself from him. You decide whether you invite him into your life, although he could easily overpower you. And when you invite him into your life, you still decide which areas you let him into.

Imagine your life is a house with many rooms. With many people God is allowed in, but no further than into the hallway. How is it with you? Is he allowed to enter the room of your addictions? your anger at someone? your greed for money? Your sadness… You have infinite areas within you that you can “hide” from God. But he wants to meet you in the dirt of your life and is not afraid to get his feet dirty. By telling him that you want him in that room, you give him access. Don't leave Jesus standing in the hallway.

Your prayer: good or bad culture of conversing?

You may be wondering how exactly talking with God works? Just like talking to a human? Yes and no. Because conversations with a fellow human being can go completely wrong and be one-sided: for example, if your counterpart talks constantly and never listens. Or even worse: never truly sharing and still not really listen. That kills every relationship. Even if nobody notices it from the outside.

You can share hundreds of pieces of information every day about things you want your partner to do, or better yet, what he did wrong. Or what's going on with the kids. The latest gossip from the neighborhood. What needs to be done at home. But deep down you know, "My partner doesn't really know who I really am or what it really looks like inside of me."  

Such communication also makes prayer tiring. Informing God about what he should change in the world.

A young Christian recently said to me: He wants to pray more, but at some point he just doesn't know what to say anymore. Yes, what is there left to say after you informed him of everything he should fix? Repeat it all again from the beginning? Maybe with a little more passion this time?

Giving God a to-do list is tiring. Because actually, what your heart really desperately hungers for is to experience him being there with you. Maybe you often don't realize that. But the hunger for beautiful experiences that make you feel alive is burried deep in your DNA! And I'm sure: you too are going through a lot of trouble to satisfy this hunger. And many of these things are lovely. But meeting him complements you. So, start meeting him so that you become whole inside.

Another point that makes prayer very tiring is the wrong assumption: I have to change in order to experience God.

This belief, or rather this lie, keeps you all your life from both, meeting God and experiencing inner transformation and liberation.

Your decision - his power

Communion with God is primarily possible because of one person: God Himself standing at your inner door, knocking politely, and waiting for you to let Him in. And then he comes in. Thats it.

That's why I want to ask you this question: Is Jesus allowed to enter into your heart and life? Is Jesus allowed to see the truth about you and address things? And can he love you?

God is passionately interested in you. He makes it possible for you to hear from him and experience his peace.

Your contribution is to open your heart and give it to him. He's already chosen you. The question is: do you choose him?

God loves it when you seek him. But most of all, he loves it when you find him.

I look forward to hearing if I can help you on this journey.

Anita